Helen Skelton takes the clown car
Helen Skelton had managed to escape getting messy on so many occasions that people had stopped counting. She had been on Blue Peter and other shows where gunge had featured. She had been up for tons of votes and had always managed to escape clean. It was finally time for her to get what she deserved. Helen had done everything that she could do avoid mess. Helen’s luck was about to run out. It had not gone unnoticed that she had escaped so many times and now she was going to be set up. Ever since Blue Peter had ended, Helen had not been getting as many presenting jobs as she had done in the past. The amount of presenting jobs in general had seemed to dry up a little bit. She did get lots of slots on celebrity gameshow specials. She had been on Pointless and several other shows in the past few years. On the occasion in question, Helen was asked to appear on Pointless again. The first time, her team had made it all the way to the final. Because they had reached the final, they were asked to return for a sort of champions match. This time however, there was going to be a side bet on the game. Helen was wearing the same gorgeous purple dress that she had worn on her first appearance on Pointless.
Before the show, Helen and some of the other contestants got into a bit of a competitive disagreement. Everyone was sure that they would be the winner. “We won easily last time,” Helen said,” So I think we will do just as good this time.” The others, of course vehemently disagreed with this. “Ok then,” one of the competitors said,” Why don’t we make this interesting. How about whoever’s team is eliminated in round gets gunged.” Helen’s eyes widened. She was a bit reluctant to go for this, but her team had won last time, so she felt that the risk was low, plus she wanted to see the other person gunged. “Well, I am going to love pouring gunge all over you. It is going to be so much fun,” she teased. The fact that she had escaped so many times clean had made her slightly overconfident. The side bet was agreed. Helen was, by nature, quite a kind shy person, but she did not want to lose. Helen’s partner was Barney Harwood.
Everyone got into their positions and the show began. When Helen got out on stage, she began to get nervous. The reality of what she had agreed to hit her. Still, there were four teams, the chances of her team finishing last was quite slim really. The show started and Alexander Armstrong, the host, explained that there was a very special side bet on tonight’s show. One member of each team had made a bet that if their team finished last they would be getting gunged. Helen was a bit annoyed, because no one ever mentioned that it was going to be televised. She had thought that it was going to be back stage. No matter though, she would not lose anyway.
The first question was asked and the each team’s first member was asked to give their answer. Helen was one of the contestants answering in the second pass. Her partner got a 38. This was an ok score. It meant they were in second place. All was to play for on the second pass. Helen was third to answer. The first two gained very good scores. She would have to do decently in order to stay in contention but if she got 20 or less her team would be through and she would be safe. She did have to make a small gamble though. She went ahead and gave her answer. She nervously waited to see what the score was going to be. She gritted her teeth as everyone awaited the results on the pointless board. Helen was horrified when a red X came up signifying that her answer was incorrect and she had just scored 100 points. Her mouth fell open in shock. She had just gotten the worst possible score. This score almost guaranteed that she had just lost the game for her team. The fourth team had to give their answer, but all they really had to do was give a correct answer and they would be in the next round, which they did of course. Helen knew that her luck had finally run out. She looked like she had been hit by a tons of bricks.
Alexander Armstrong then said,” At the end of round one, our losing team is Barney and Helen. Bad luck guys, you did so well last time. Helen, bad luck on that last answer,” he said. “Yeah, I know,” she said,” I can’t believe we lost.” “Yes and now there is a the little matter of the side bet,” Alexander said. Everyone looked at Helen with condescending looks. “I was hoping that everyone may have had forgot about that,” Helen said, half jokingly, though she did hope that it would be forgotten about. “It’s my own fault I suppose. I have no one to blame but myself for this. Are you sure we have time for this?,” she said cheekily. “I’m afraid that there is no escape this time Helen. You have gotten lucky in the past so many times, but today is the end of the line. It is going to be gunge time,” Alexander said. Everyone clapped.
The camera cut away. The music ran. When the camera returned to the set, Helen was sat on a stool in front of her podium on the stage. She looked like she was shaking she was so nervous. She had managed to escape the mess so many times. It had always run through her mind what getting gunged felt like. Today she was going to learn the hard way, through first hand experience. She knew how much people were going to enjoy seeing this. Even her parents had teased her that they wanted to see her getting gunged before. She played with her hair nervously. She ran her fingers through her hair and twisted her hair around her fingers. She was not looking forward to what was going to happen. She did look adorable though. She moved her head around pushed her slightly messy hair over her face. She was a bundle of nerves by now. She was also blushing.
“So Helen Skelton has lost in round one and now has to take the forfeit that she agreed to,” Alexander said. “I’m so embarrassed,” Helen said. “Well, today, Helen you will be given the honour of being the first person ever to have a go at a brand new messy device.” “Oh yes, that is such an honour, I can’t tell you,” Helen said sarcastically. “I won’t lie to you, it is going to get sloppy,” Alexander said. “Yeah, I a gathered that,” Helen said in a sarcastic voice. “Ok then, can we reveal what we have created for Helen,” Alexander said. With that, a curtain at the far end of the stage was pulled open and an elaborate messy device was revealed. The first part of the device was a clown car. It was painted with bright colours and was undersized. In reality it was sort of a child’s toy car. It was about the size for a child. Helen could fit in it but it would be a tight squeeze. In front of the car was a track that it rode on with various obstacles and messy things set up in front. When turned on, the car would move forward and various items would go off at the appropriate time over and onto the person riding in the clown car. Helen put her hand through hair and shook her head, laughing when she saw the device. “Look at that Helen,” Alexander said,” We have heard that you don’t drive but have always wanted to give it a try. This could be your big chance,” he said, slightly mocking her. “Oh yes, it looks elegant,” she joked. “I can’t believe this,” she said shaking her head and laughing. “I am a clown, that’s what you are saying? I am here for your amusement?,” Helen joked quoting the famous line from Goodfellas. She had about resigned herself to the fact that everyone was going to be laughing at her today, no matter what she did, so she might as well just let them get on with it.
“So, Helen, do you want to take that walk and have a seat in your luxury vehicle,” Alexander said. “Do, I have to,” Helen asked with a cringe. “I am afraid so Alexander said. Helen stood up and walked over to the clown car. She stepped in and sat down in it. Really it was much to small for her, but she able to fit herself on it. “Is that comfy?,” Alexander asked. “Oh yes, it is quite the ride. I must get one of these myself,” Helen joked. The other celebrities were positioned at the other end, getting ready to turn on the mechanism and to send Helen on her journey. “So Helen any final words, before you take that long strange trip in the clown car?,” Alexander asked. “Yeah, I am not a clown,” she joked pointed at him, laughing and shaking her head. “Ok guys then, when you are ready, let her rip,” he said to the other celebrities. They had no qualms whatsoever in doing this to their fellow celebrity. Helen took a deep breath and tried to get herself ready for what was about to happen to her.
The moment finally had arrived. The celebrities pulled the lever at the other end of the messy device. When the pulled the lever the first thing that happened was circus music began playing. The sound of the a carnival filled the studio. Helen shook her head with disbelief and embarrassment. She placed her hands to her forehead and laughed. The clown car then jerked forward with a jolt as it started to move forward. It moved forward through a wall of clown hands holding seltzer bottles. As the car slowly moved forward seltzer bottles were triggered by what seemed to be sensors. Helen did not really notice that these seltzer bottles were where they were because her head was down. As the car moved into their path, the seltzer bottles were triggered. Helen was hit by waived of carbonated seltzer hitting her from all directions. She moved her hands about in an attempt to deflect it but it was coming from both sides, soaking her to the skin. She laughed and spurted and she got a face full of the seltzer as well. She spit out a mouthful as she was showered with the seltzer water.
When the line of seltzer bottles ended there was a bit of a space and then there was another line of large inflatable clowns. It was hard to tell what they were going to do. As the clown car moved past the clowns, silly string was sprayed from each of there big red noses straight onto the car and Helen within it. She wiggled her hands as the foamy silly string was sprayed on her. It was green, pink and blue. It criss crossed her as the audience and the other celebrities laughed hysterically at her. As it sprayed a honking sound effect noise was made. Helen ran her fingers through her hair as she pulled off some of the silly string. She wiggled her hands and let it fall off of her.
The clown care then moved forward again. Straight ahead was a sign with two clown holding a large drum. The car was headed straight for it. Helen held her hands out and closed her eyes, bracing for the impact. The car hit the sign, but it was made out of paper.. The clown car, and Helen smashed straight through the drum part of the sign. The car flew through the drum and then made its way to the next obstacle. Helen, again, found herself surrounded by clowns. She had no idea what expect. There were also springs everywhere. All of a sudden a “boing” sound was made. Before Helen knew it, a pie sprung threw the air and hit her on the side of the face. She tried to lift her hands to shield herself against the pie, but at that moment she her the boing sound four or five more times. Boing, boing, boing, boing. Pies sprung threw the air at Helen. She screamed and laughed as pies hit her on the both side of the face, the front of her face, on her breasts and the top of her head. A quick succession of pies flew threw the air within seconds. Just as she raised her hands and deflected one she was hit somewhere else by another. When it was all over and the clown car pulled out of that part of the course, Helen was covered in creamy pie. Pie plates stuck all over the car, on her chest and on the side of her face. All she could do was laugh. Her mouth wide open. The whole car was covered in cream.
The clown care now stood in one place for a second or two. It then jerked forward. The instant it did, a wall of light blue gunge dumped from above straight onto Helen. As it dumped a woosh, sound effect was made. Helen screamed as she was showered in gunge. It hit her with some force and speed. In an instant, she became a blue gungey mess. Her blonde hair now totally coated in the blue gunge. Her perfect body and purple dress coated almost completely by smooth soft blue gunge. She hardly had time to react before the car moved forward again.
The next part of the course was surrounded by six clown with fire hoses. The clown car moved into position and stopped. As it did, the fire hoses were set off. The hoses were filled with foam, pink gunge and cream consecutively on each side. As Helen looked up the hoses swooshed on and she was hit with powerful steams of the messiness from the six hoses. The clowns sprayed the former Blue Peter host down with foam, gunge and cream. The streams seemed to last forever before finally dying. As the car pulled forward, Helen and the entire car was covered in foamy pink and white mess. She looked like she had just been through the foamy part of a car wash. At this point, she was totally overcome by the amount of mess all over her.
Next the car moved into an area that was surrounded on all sides by clowns with buckets in their hands. As the care came to a stop in its place, the boing sounds started again. When the first one happened a bucket was flung at her. In a matter of seconds half a dozen more buckets flung at Helen. The buckets contained things like glitter, feathers and confetti. Helen lifted her hands as she tried to defend herself but the contents of the buckets tumbled and fell on her. They stuck all over her body. She was covered in confetti and feathers. She looked like she had been tarred and feathers. She tried desperately to get the bits that she could from her mouth and eyes. She tried to scrape some way from her face.
Finally the clown car came to the last section where her fellow celebrities wee stood waiting for her. Each of them held a bucket in their hand. “Oh no, please, don’t,” she begged. Of course, they had no mercy on her. All seven of them swung their buckets, tossing the contents all over Helen. The buckets contained gunge of every imaginable colour. Helen begged and moaned as green, orange, red and purple gunge was poured over her by the other celebrity contestants. When the smoke cleared, Helen sat in the clown car, knees lifted, covered from head to toe in a rainbow of mess. Everyone pointed and laughed. She really did resemble a clown in her current state. All she could really do was laugh. She was a total mess.
“So Helen Skelton, was that a sweet ride or what?,” Alexander asked. Helen laughed. “I am overwhelmed,” she responded. “It is so slimy. I guess I am the clown for today. Laugh it up everyone,” she said, flicking some of the gunge away from her hair. “Go on laugh it up everyone. My dress is ruined I think.” Helen sat in the clown car streaked with multi coloured gunge all over body. She gave everyone a salute and laughed at herself. “She was a good sport wasn’t she?,” Alexander said.
Alexander then closed the curtains on Helen because the rest of Pointless had to be played, but to be honest no one really cared anymore after what they had just witnessed.
