Tamaryn Payne Happy birthday

Tamaryn Payne Happy birthday




Tamaryn Payne was a lot like the character that she played on Hollyoaks. She was prim and proper, snooty and somewhat prudish. She also, almost always wore skirts and showed off a lot of leg. She was quite attractive, and received a lot of attention from the young men on the show. She never really responded to any of their advances. Whenever any of them tried to ask her out she would always refuse. This was mainly because she did not want to date anyone that she worked with. From the perspective of the men that she had turned down, however, they viewed her as a stuck up witch. Everyone thought that she felt that she was better than everyone else. She also did not mix well with the other females on set. They were all super gorgeous and the girls were all very competitive with one another. Plus, they all felt she was a stuck up witch as well. Tamaryn did not seem to really care. In fact, she seemed oblivious to the fact that no one really cared for her. She was blissfully unaware that no one liked her very much.

Tamaryn could be moody and stuck up. She was always very particular about her hair and makeup and was frequently late for her scenes. She would constantly hold up shooting and generally annoy everyone. The cast decided that they wanted to get back at her and were going to teach Tamaryn a lesson. It was Tamaryn’s birthday. The cast of the show would usually go out for each cast member’s birthday. It was a sort of tradition. They would usually go to a club or pub for some drinks after taping. Little did Tamaryn know that her colleagues were going to be taken this golden opportunity and going to be really showing her what they really thought of her. Her co stars called up a certain club and made some very special arrangements for Tamaryn on her birthday. They would be taking her to a club that also did shows of various kinds. The entertainer, who would be on stage, was going to pretend to be a magician. He was then going to ask if it was anyone’s birthday. The Hollyoaks cast would then point to Tamaryn. She would be forced to go up on stage and then the fun would really begin. To be honest, this was going to be the only way that the cast would be able to stand being around Tamaryn for that length of time. The guys who had asked her out were attracted to her due to her looks alone. Her famous legs were the main allure. They did not ask her out for her personality. None of them would have really wanted to put up with her as a girlfriend. To call her high maintenance would be an understatement.

The cast had planned to do this for some time. They were all incredibly excited about what was going to happen. They were going to totally trash Tamaryn. They were going to love every minute of it. She had no idea that it was going to happen. She knew that they would be taking her out to the club, but that was all she knew about what was going to happen. When she went into work that morning, she had no idea that she would be ending the evening covered in mess. She was not going to be happy with what was going to happen. Everyone expected a hissy fit They did not care though. She deserved what she was going to get, in their eyes. Tamaryn was seen as quite posh. She sometimes tried to like the other actors, but it never really worked. She would have thought that something like this would have been totally beneath her. Even messy television shows, she would have seen as low brow.



Tamaryn joined her colleagues as they all gathered to head out to the club for her birthday. She wore an expensive looking two toned dress that was white on the top and beige at the bottom. Again, it was very short, showing off her long tanned legs. Everyone saw her as a bit of a tease. She used to dress that way, but had never even had a boyfriend during her time on the show. She did not see anything sexy in the way that she dressed. She felt that she was quite conservative. She had no idea of the way that the men lusted over her luscious long legs. She accompanied her colleagues to the club that evening. Everyone pretended that everything was normal. Everyone got a drink and toasted to Tamaryn and her Birthday. Tamaryn sipped a glass of expensive wine. Soon the lights were lowered and the magician was announced. He walked on stage to the applause of the crowd. Little did Tamaryn know what was about to happen to her.

The magician introduced himself. Tamaryn was thinking to herself that she hated magic and how juvenile it was. “Ok,” the magician said,” For my first trick, I will need a volunteer to assist me. Is there any birthday girls in the audience tonight?,” he asked. Tamaryn gave a deep gulp. She lowered her eyes and put her hand to her forehead, hoping that he would not find out that it was her birthday. Her colleagues pointed at her, shouted and waived. She blushed red with embarrassment, still hoping that there was a chance that he would go to someone else. Unfortunately for her, he walked straight up to her. He pointed at her. “You over there, the birthday girl, don’t be shy join me up on stage.” She shook her hands, worry flashed across her face. Her protests were overshadowed and ignored. Someone took her glass of wine as the others pulled her to her feet. They encouraged her pushing her towards the stage. Everyone else cheered. Tamaryn was forced to walk up on stage with her eyes on her shoes. She finally made it up on stage. The group from Hollyoaks cheered and laughed for her. She glared at them. The anger on her face was plain to see.



The magician began to speak to her. “Welcome to the show young lady, are you having a good night?,” he asked. “Yes, thank you. Its been fine,” she said, struggling to be polite and to hold back her annoyance. “Young lady, what is your name and occupation?,” he asked. “I am Tamaryn and I am an actress,” she said. “Eww an actress, how fancy. Well happy birthday Tamaryn. Now, you were selected to come up on stage to take part in a trick with me, if that is ok,” he said. He moved the microphone to her mouth, but moved it away again as soon as she started to speak. “ The trick involves a special apparatus. Can we bring it out please.” The audience cheered as something, underneath a sheet was wheeled out on stage. What was it, Tamaryn wondered. “I she going to saw me in half or what,” she thought. Her fellow Hollyoaks stars were pointing and laughing, because they knew what was under the sheet.

The magician walked up to the contraption and pulled the sheet off with panache. The crowd applauded as a pillory was revealed. Tamaryn’s eyes widened. She blushed an even deeper shade of red. She began to sweat now. There was a huge lumped in her throat. She let out a deep gulp. “Ok Tamaryn, will you come with me please.” “I’d rather not,” she said with some trepidation. “Oh come on don’t be shy, it won’t hurt I promise.” The audience jeered her, urging her to comply. She rolled her eyes and followed him to the back of the stocks. He raised the top bar of it and showed her how to get in. She was still very reluctant to do this, but she was being left with little choice. The audience cheered as Tamaryn bent over. She placed her wrists and neck in position. She swung her hair around. She was now bent over with her behind high in the air. Her skirt raised even higher, giving anyone looking from behind and amazing view of Tamaryn’s sexy bare, tanned legs. Some little freckles on her thighs were visible. The top bar was lowered on her and the magician locked the side, locking Tamaryn in place. Tamaryn looked up. She could see her colleagues pointed and laughing at the site of her in that position. She then lowered her eyes looking at the floor.



The magician then walked around the front of Tamaryn. He bent over to speak with her. “Tamaryn, now that everything is in place, I can reveal to you, that this is all a special birthday setup arranged by your friends over there. There will be no trick, unfortunately, Tamaryn, but there will be a very big treat. Let’s bring it out,” he shouted. The audience cheered as another long narrow item was wheeled out, also covered in a sheet. It was wheeled out right in front of Tamaryn. She did her best to look up. The magician then walked over and pulled off the sheet. He revealed a trolley full of various foods. The audience cheered and laughed. The cast of Hollyoaks celebrated and roared with laughter. Everyone now knew what was about to happen to Tamaryn. She could not quite see what they were cheering about. She raised her head as far as she could, almost straining her neck to see what was on the trolley. She knew whatever it was, was not good. The magician pulled out a creamy pie and displayed it in front of Tamaryn’s face. Her eyes went as wide as saucers. A look of abject panic flashed across her face. In her panic, she almost tried to move from the stocks, but only really managed to wiggle her body slightly. Her co stars were now howling with laughter. Tamaryn begged and pleaded for this not to happen to her. She screamed, ”No!” The magician teased her with the pie. He took his finger and took dollops of the pie and placed it on Tamaryn’s nose, cheeks, chin and lips. She shook her head wildly.

The sweat was now pouring down her legs. He teased her with the pie even more. He pretended that he was going to smash the pie in her face, swingeing it back and forth a few times, as she begged him not to do this. He pulled back one more time. There was a pause and then an eruption of cheers and laughter as he thrust the pie straight into Tamaryn’s face. The pie smushed straight into her face. She got a mouthful of pie as she screamed. There was not much give in the stocks, so her face was packed with pie. He pushed it into her face, planting her with it. He held the tin in place for a moment. Finally he let go, revealing Tamaryn’s tanned face now coated in a layer of creamy pie. She was locked in and helpless to defend herself against the cream of the pie. Globs of pie fell off of Tamaryn’s face. The Hollyoaks crew high fived and were now falling all over themselves in laughter. Seeing this happen to Tamaryn was a moment of exuberance and celebration. Tamaryn could hardly believe what had just happened to her. She was now bent over, locked in the stocks and her beautiful face was covered in creamy pie. The whole club were loving it. For someone who obsessed with her appearance and cleanliness, this was the ultimate embarrassment, and she was about to get much more messy. She could hear the laughter from everyone watching what was happening to her.

The magician then pulled out a second pie. Tamaryn could barely see what was happening at this point because her face was dripping in creamy pie and she was helpless to do anything about it. He walked behind her. She could feel his presence behind her as he went. He took his hand and raised the bottom of her dress in the air, revealing her lacy, bright pink panties. She winced. She could only guess what he was about to do next. All the muscles in her legs and behind tensed up. Tamaryn tried her best to keep her smooth, long legs together, but she had to bend her knees from time to time. It was hard to keep her balance at times because she was wearing a pair of high heels. The magician then pulled his arm back, resting the other on Tamaryn’s hip. He wound up and then pushed the pie into her backside. He did not hold back. The pie slammed into her rear end with some force. Bits of pie flew from her bottom in all directions. He then rubbed the pie around, smushing it against her panties. Everyone laughed as she let out a squeal on the moment of impact. Her mouth wide open, pie dripping from her face. He rubbed the pie around and then pushed it down the backs of Tamaryn’s thighs, smearing creamy pie down her shapely thighs as he went. Tamaryn could feel the pie all over her sexy naked legs. The fact that she was locked in the stocks left her in a position where her legs and butt were completely exposed. They made the most luscious of targets. Having a pie crammed up on her butt was a feeling that Tamaryn would not soon forget. She was completely helpless now, there was no escape for her.



He then took another pie. This time he carefully pushed it into Tamaryn’s legs. He leaned over and pushed the creamy pie into the backs of her knees. She then pushed the pie downwards, smearing pie all over the backs of her knees and all the way down her calves. He took his time pulled the pie all the way down to her ankles. He then folded the pie tin over and scraped pie all over the front of her legs as well. Her sexy tanned legs now coated in sloppy cream pie. She could do nothing wiggle her legs around in the pie. She could feel the soft creaminess on her sexy skin. She could also feel the sensation of utter embarrassment. The magician then grabbed yet another pie. He again went behind her. This time he used one hand and pulled open the back of Tamaryn’s underwear. He then took the pie and placed it at the small of her back. He then took his other and, with the side of it, swept the filling in the pie downward and into Tamaryn’s open panties. It plopped downwards inside. He then removed the pie tin with one hand and snapped her panties shut with the other. The loud screech that Tamaryn let out elicited gigantic amounts of laughter. The back of her panties now bulged with pie. Pie oozed out of the waist band around her stomach and around the tops of her legs. Her panties now stained. She could feel the pie up inside of her underwear. It was all over her butt cheeks and her butt crack, but all over her private parts as well. The feeling of pie all over butt crack and vagina was a sensation that she was not prepared for. She was embarrassed to admit that the pie was not the only thing causing the moisture inside of her underwear. To her embarrassment the sweet musky odour of Tamaryn’s sexy slim body could be smelled by anyone on the stage. The smell of her sweat and vaginal juices wafted through the air.

He then took yet another pie, from the seemingly endless supply of them and smashed it in her face again. This time forcefully twisting it around in her face. It landed with a thud in her face. He rubbed the pie round and round in her face. He then placed the pin tin on top of her head, as if it was a hat. Pie filling cascades down her hair and face. She was now half covered in pie. She was hoping that it was all over, surely this was enough. What more could they do to her? Of course, her colleagues were loving every moment of this. All of them had put up with her for a long time and were really enjoying the fact that this was happening to her.



The magician then called them up on the stage. “It is your turn now,” he announced. He then handed each of them a bottle of the red wine that Tamaryn had been drinking. “ We interrupted Tamaryn’s drink earlier, so as a way of saying we are sorry, we are going to give her lots more of her favourite drink. Free of charge. On the house.” Tamaryn was so preoccupied with all the pies, she was not even paying attention to what was being said. All of them then shook up their wine bottles as much as they could. They aimed the tops at Tamaryn. They then popped the tops and started to spray the actress with the wine. Red wine sprayed her all over. It soaked and stained her light coloured dress, completely ruining in and washed down her body. Her colleagues showered her in the wine. The bubbly fluid rolled over her body. Her body shivered and shuddered from the freezing cold sensation of the chilled wine on her body. Her dress now clung to her body. It was skin tight. Her bra was visible now through the white portion of her dress. Her colleagues danced around with the bottles, as they poured them down over her.



Next they were each given a pie from the trolley. They all then lined up in a row in front of their prone colleague, holding their pies. They then made a semi circle around their now sloppy colleague. They surrounded her on all sides. She turned her head to face the ground, that was all she could really do to defend herself at this point. She closed her eyes. It was not going to do much good though. She was about to be bombarded with pies and her colleagues were going to be the ones to do it. “Ok everyone,” the magician said,” On the count of three, you all know what to do.” They all got into position, choosing silently where they were going to be aiming their pies. Targeting different areas of Tamaryn’s body. Everyone then counted down “Three…two….one.” The all leaned back and took aim. When they hit one they all started to throw their pies at their prone co star. Pies flew threw the air from all angles. One after another they peppered Tamaryn’s body, splatting her with pie. One hit her thigh, then her chest, then her face then bottom. One after another they splattered her. Her colleagues howling with laughter as they got the pleasure of pieing her. For a second the pie tins stuck to her body before being knocked off by still more pie tins. She was soon covered in pie. Pie rolled down her body, toppling down her legs, dripping from her face and chest. There was so much pie that almost looked as though it was gunge. The Hollyoaks stars pointed and laughed hysterically. They high fived one another. They revelled in Tamaryn’s misery. Her face was almost no longer visible under the piles of pie that covered it.



The Hollyoaks actors were then handed a few buckets. It was explained that the buckets were filled with cake batter. The cake batter was yellow, pink and green. “Come on everyone,” the magician said, “Let’s all sing happy birthday to her, while this lot covers her in the cake batter.” Everyone cheered. The actors then carried the buckets over. The magician took his fingers and began to pretend that he was a conductor. He led the crowd in singing happy birthday to Tamaryn. As the tones of “Happy Birthday to you,” filled the air, the buckets began to be tipped over Tamaryn. The thick cake batter was poured down her back first, covering the back of her dress and dripping down her chest. More was poured down the length of her back and down to her backside. It was poured back and forth over her backside and then down the backs of her legs. It was thick and sloppy as it plopped down onto her body. Her expensive dress would definitely never be the same again now. Her colleagues relished pouring the multi coloured slop down over her prone body. She wiggled her bum and flexed her legs back and forth as the batter fell. The final bit was plopped down over her head. Finally, some birthday candles were brought out and stuck onto her head. They stuck in place in the batter for a moment. They Hollyoaks actors then exited, leaving Tamaryn in the stocks.

“Happy Birthday Tamaryn,” the magician said. The audience applauded. He then walked over and undid the clasp on the stocks. Tamryn leaned forward and stood up. She was plastered in mess from head to toe. Everyone was pointing and laughing at her. She just rolled her eyes. She looked incredibly angry. She was then told to get off stage and was pushed off. When she got backstage, she realized that the rest of the cast had gone, leaving her there. She was going to have to make her way home like that. She was able to clean herself a bit, but she had no change of clothes so would have to go home in her messed up dress. The next day at work, no one said anything. There was plenty of snickering though.

some great pies

 I am not sure if these have been seen before, but in them are some quite good pies in the face. Too many males for my taste, but oh well.

Kate Middleton takes the throne

Kate Middleton takes the throne




Somehow Mr. G. had managed to secure what would be considered by some as the ultimate guest. That guest was Kate Middleton. No one could believe that she actually agreed to appear on the show. She would be a dream guest on anyone’s show , but on Let Her Have It, she was probably the person that people wanted to see appear more than anyone else. No one could believe that someone in her position would allow herself to be covered in mess on national television. The thought of seeing Kate Middleton covered in mess was something that would have to be seen. Everybody would want to see this happen. Everyone that that it was a ruse. No one actually believed that Kate Middleton would actually appear on the show. There were rumours that it could be a look alike or an actress who would turn up. Some believed that it was just a publicity stunt. The producers of the show encouraged the intrigue and the speculation. All of it was good for the show. The buzz around the show was never more hot. Few actually believed Kate Middleton would actually be there. It would not be the first time that a celebrity pulled out of a commitment like this at the last minute after having agreed well in advance. As for Kate, she just felt that the whole thing was pretty hilarious. She felt that it would be a way to show the whole world that she was not a stuck up snob and did not feel like she was better than everyone else. People would be laughing with her. She could prove that she was down to earth. She felt that she was just a normal woman and saw this as a chance to demonstrate that. How her in laws were going to feel about the whole thing was another matter entirely. They would not find what Kate was about to take part in appropriate at all.

No one believed that this was going to happen, but much to everyone’s surprise, when the day of the show arrived, Kate Middleton was there with a huge smile on her face ready to take part. She made it clear to the producers of the show that she did not want them to take it easy on her because of who she was. She wanted them to Let Her Have It, just as if she was anyone else. She was secretly a fan of the show and was actually thrilled to get the chance to be the show. She insisted that she be treated the same as everyone else. She might live to regret that. She was a bit nervous backstage, but she had been in situations before where the eyes of the whole world were on her and she had done ok. Mind you, none of them had been anything like this. She was ready to have a laugh though and to show that she did not take herself too seriously. The excitement and the buzz in the air was electric, even more than usual. There was always an air of tension when someone was about to get messed, but this was heightened to even beyond that. Kate Middleton was about to get messed and everyone was going to get to sit back and enjoy it. It would be a night that everyone would remember for a long, long time to come.

The studio was decked out like a palace and had lots of British flags and crowns everywhere. The whole stage was decorated in this style. There was red and blue velvet everywhere. The audience was buzzing with excitement. This was going to be a huge show. The whole world would probably being seeing what was going to happen. The show opened and Mr. G. made his entrance to a huge round of applause. He waived, bowed and smiled as he took his place on stage. “Thank you, everyone and welcome to a very special, royal edition of Let Her Have It. It is a very special night tonight. We have a very special guest. It is a huge deal for everyone and we want to thank this certain special someone so much for coming to our humble show. You know, I can’t hardly believe it myself. It is hard to believe it, but we have that very special lady here in the studio tonight. She is one of the most famous and iconic people in the world. The whole world watched as she was married. Tonight, the world will watch as something else happens to her. Something very different indeed. We are so pleased to have her hear tonight. Please, join me in welcoming, the one and only, Kate Middleton,” Mr. G. said. The audience thundered with applause. Mr. G. held his arm out and motioned to the other side of the stage.

Kate entered the studio smiling and waiving. She was already blushing bright red. Her sexy smile beamed across her face. She wore a black and grey dress that showed off a lot of her sexy leg. Otherwise, it was a relatively conservative dress. Her hair was down. She crossed the stage and shook Mr. G.’s hand She then joined him on the couches for a chat. They sat opposite one another. She smiled and waived at the audience and waited for their applause to die down. She crossed her long sexy legs as she sat down. She gave Mr. G. a hug. She smiled and laughed. Eventually, the thunder of applause stopped, although it was prolonged and very loud.

“Kate Middleton, a very warm welcome. It is truly an honour to have you here with us tonight,” Mr. G. said. “It is honour to be here, thanks for having me.” “I’ll tell you what, when we said that you were going to be here tonight, no one believed us. I could hardly believe it myself, but here you are live and in the flesh.” “Well yes, it is a pleasure to be here. I am actually quite a big fan of wet and messy showing. I have been watching it since I was a little girl and always wished that it happened to me.” “Well, you’ve come to the right place,” Mr. G. said with a laugh. Kate laughed. “Yeah, I know,” Kate replied. “I also would like the mention that there are a lot of preconceived notions about you, but I have to say, everyone backstage have commented that you are one of the nicest people that they have ever met doing the show.” “Thank you,” Kate replied humbly. “I also want to show everyone that I am just a normal girl, at the end of the day. I think that this is going to be a lot of fun. I just want to have a laugh,” she explained. “I think it will be so much fun.” “I think that we all definitely will have fun. I have to ask though, what do you think that the reaction back home will be when they see this?,” Mr. G. asked. “You know, I never thought of that, honestly. Most of them don’t really watch this type of thing, so they probably won’t see it. I hope. If they do they will not be too amused I don’t think, but hey, what’s the big deal,” Kate explained. “I suppose that it would be awkward and embarrassing in a way.” “Well, I have had one or two embarrassing moments in my past, that is for sure,” Kate replied. “Really, what is your most embarrassing moment then?,” Mr. G. asked. “Oh god, do I really have to tell this story,” Kate said laughing and blushing. “We are all friends here, don’t be shy,” Mr. G. teased. “ I am going to regret this, I can tell,” Kate said. “What happened was I had to use a public toilet once. I hate using public toilets, but I really had to go, so I didn’t have a choice, really. So I went and, not being rude, it was massive. Keep in mind there were a load of people in the queue waiting behind me. Anyway, I flushed but it would not flush. I tied again and then the water started rising. It came higher and higher until it overflowed onto the floor. Of course, I am panicking. I don’t know what to do. I couldn’t sneak off because there was a line of people waiting behind me. Plus I am a celebrity. I wished I wasn’t at that moment. Everyone would know what I did. The bathroom was a total mess. It was so embarrassing,” she laughed at herself.

“Actually, Kate, mentioning that, your story actually is keeping with our theme of the day. We have something special prepared you today. It is a very special seat that is perfect for a member of the royal family. You are going to feel very comfortable in it. It is the best seat in the house,” Mr. G. said. “Ok, sounds good,” Kate replied with a giggle. With that a royal fanfare began to play. The curtains opened and through the curtains came the Giant Flush. This time though, it was decorated in all sorts of velvet, gold and all sorts of royal looking decorations. When Kate saw it she blushed and roared with laughter. She pointed at it and laughed. “Basically,” Mr. G. said,” We have arranged a royal throne for you this evening, Kate.” “ Yes I see. Basically, the world is going to witness me sitting on the throne,” Kate said with a laugh. “I believe that is a good way to put it yes,” Mr. G. replied. “So I gather that you would like me to sit down on the throne,” she asked. “Will you please?,” Mr. G. said. Kate gave a sarcastic look but then stood up and said,” Sure, that is what I am here for, after all.” Kate stood up and adjusted her dress. She followed Mr. G. over to the giant flush. She took his hand as he helped her lower her bottom onto the toilet below. She moved her bottom into position , wrapping herself around the porcelain toilet seat below. She looked up at the larger toilet bowl above and laughed.

Mr. G. then took a plunger that was stood by the toilet. “Your sceptre, your majesty,” he said. “I could have used this a few months ago,” Kate kidded, referring to the story that she had told earlier in the evening. She took the plunger and held it in her hand. “Are you comfortable sitting on the throne?,” Mr. G. teased. “Oh yes, it feels just elegant to be sitting here on the throne,” she jokingly replied. “I have to say, it really suits you,” Mr. G. said. “I was always told I was born to sit on the throne,” Kate joked. The fact that the Duchess of Cambridge was now sitting on a toilet, with a giant toilet bowl situated above her head was something that the audience were just loving. Everyone thought that the situation was hilarious. Never mind, what was about to happen to Kate in a few short minutes. Everyone knew that the toilet would soon flush and a large amount of brown gunge would be getting poured down on the Duchess of Cambridge. This was going to be a moment to remember. Kate sat on the throne contemplating what was about to happen.



“So Kate, I don’t think that I need to explain what is going to happen do I?,” Mr. G. said. “No, I don’t think so. I have seen the giant flush before. I know how it works. Don’t worry,” she replied. Kate looked up and pointed up. “I am going to get it,” she mouthed. Mr. G. walked over to the giant flusher. “Ok, Kate, we are going to count down. On the count of three, the toilet will be flushed and then the magic happens,” Mr. G. said. “Are you ready Kate?,” he asked. Kate adjusted her dress and repositioned her body, perched on the toilet. She got herself ready. “I think that I am ready now,” she said with a smile. “Ok everyone, here we go. Get ready for what you are about to witness. Here we go,”

Everyone started to count down. “3...2...1” Mr. G. pulled the flusher down. Kate screwed up her face She shut her eyes. Every muscle in her body contracted. She blushed bright red. She braced herself for what was about to hit her. When the count down ended, Mr. G. pulled down on the giant flusher. The usual Giant Flush sounds then began. The sounds of farting and someone using the bathroom were heard, much to Kate’s amusement. This was followed by the sounds of a toilet flushing, Then there was a whoosh sound. Then sloppy brown gunge began to fall from the whole in the giant toilet seat that Kate sat under. It fell with a plopping sound. The first bit of brown gunge fell through the bowl. It was a relatively small amount at first. The first bit were a few brown globs of gunge that fell from above. They fell through the air and landed directly on the Duchess’ face. It fell in a long brown blob onto Kate’s forehead, sticking to her face, across part of her eyebrow and down her nose. It stuck in place on her face and dangled across her nose. Several more lumps of gunge fell from above landing on Kate’s face. They splattered across her mouth and cheeks. Her hair now getting splattered in brown muck. More fell, hitting her face and tumbling down her dress, sticking to her body.

The brown muck fell irregularly down onto Kate. Her knees and calves were hit with blobs of the brown gunge. She could feel the thick sloppy mess against her long legs. She held her hands out in front of her, catching some of the mess as it fell. She raised her shoulders. She laughed as it happened. Then suddenly the more watery, smoother gunge began to plop down on her. It poured down on her through the toilet seat above, straight down onto her face. The speed of the gunge picked up some now as well. The brown gunge poured down Kate’s face. She closed her eyes as her entire face and most of her head was showered in brown gunge. Gunge poured down the front of her dress, trashing the expensive but delicate material that it was made of. Her dress clung to her body. The brown muck overwhelmed her clothes. Her whole front was now dripping in brown mess. More poured down onto her lap and all over her legs. Some of the brown sloppy muck fell straight onto her thighs and bent knees. Her calves dripping in muck. Brown mess dripped down to her ankles and all over her expensive high heeled shoes. Brown muck was now everywhere. The velvet material and golden bits around the throne were stained with mucky brown splatter. The toilet that Kate sat on was also almost totally covered in the mucky brown sludge. The crowd roared with laughter as they watched the giant toilet getting flushed on one of the most famous people in the world.

Kate laughed at herself as she was flushed upon. Finally the gunge stopped as the last few thick bits fell from above and trickled down onto Kate below. Everyone gave her a huge round of applause as the gunge slowed to a stop. Kate took her hands and ran them over her face, wiping some of the brown mess from her eyes. She gritted her teeth as she cleaned some of the mess away. She bit her lip and laughed. She gave herself a messy clap. The globs of brown muck still stuck where they had been originally on Kate’s face. Her large white teeth and her eyes gleamed out of her now brown slop covered face. Her legs and dress slathered in brown gunge. She smiled and laughed. She could feel the thick sloppy mess all over her.

Mr. G. walked over to Kate. He bowed. “The throne defiantly suits you, your majesty,” he joked. “I think it is overflowing again,” Kate joked. She blushed and laughed. “Seriously though, how was that?,” he asked. “It was great, honestly. That was so much fun. It’s a badge of honour. It is so cool. It feels really good as well. I just love it.” “I wonder if this will start a new fashion trend,” Mr. G. joked. “I wouldn’t go that far. Probably not my best look,” Kate said. “How do I look,” she asked, posing in the mess on the toilet. “You never looked better,” Mr. G. replied. “That is what I would call a royal flush,” Kate joked. She then gave a funny face to indicate that she was aware of how corny that must have sounded. “Anyway, once again. I can not thank you enough. You have been so kind and such a good sport. And you look great covered in sloppy brown muck as well.” Kate leaned over and shook his hand. She then tried to pull him in closer. She rubbed her muck covered hands across the suit that he was wearing. He pulled away and laughed.



Kate smiled and laughed as the crowd applauded her. She was still covered in thick brown mess. She waived as the show ended. Slow motion replays were shown of the flushing. Most of the papers around the world the next day led with stories with titles such as “The duchess on the throne” and “Kate gets the royal flush”. She had a lot of explaining to do back at home, but no one could be too mad. It was just a bit of fun. All in all, Kate had a lot of fun and certainly proved that she was down to earth.

Stwnsh Sadwrn June 2,2012

Below is a link to the gallery for this Saturday's Stwnsh Sadwrn. It was quite good again. Part of me wishes that they would add to it or make it a bit different, just because it is the same every week, but hey, beggers can't be choosers.

http://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2012/06/04/stwnsh-sadwrn-june-2-2012/

Lilith Fair part 3: Sheryl Crow

Lilith Fair part 3: Sheryl Crow




Everyone who had come to the show that day had gotten a special one of a kind treat, seeing some of their favourite singers getting messed before their very eyes. Fiona Apple and Jewel had been messed pretty good previously. The evening was getting on now and the night had fallen. There were not many acts left to perform, so everyone knew that the third messing would be coming very shortly. The acts who still had not performed were getting more and more nervous, as the possibility that it might be them getting messy increased as the show went further and further along. Some of the bigger, headline acts had yet to perform. They had always been most likely targets from the beginning. People like Alanis Morrisette and the organiser, Sarah Mcglaughlin still had their sets to come. Next up was Sheryl Crow. She stood at the stage entrance, holding her guitar, waiting to hear her fait. She was hoping against hope that she would be spared. All she could do was wait and see.

Finally, the announcer came on the loudspeaker. “Next up to perform is the one and only Sheryl Crow. More than that though, the question on everyone’s lips is whether or not she is one of our top three vote getters today. I can now reveal our results.” He paused. The tension grew. Sheryl closed her eyes and crossed her fingers. “Is Sheryl in the top three? I can now reveal that the answer is.. An emphatic…yes. Yes she is.” The audience cheered it’s approval. Sheryl bit her lip and gave a fake pout. She reluctantly walked on stage with her guitar to the applause of the crowd. She approached the microphone. “Was that for me or for the mess?,” she joked. Everyone was very intrigued to see what was going to happen to Sheryl Crow. They knew that it was going to be good. Sheryl was visibly nervous. Sheryl wore a brown vest with no sleeves and a black skirt with brown boots. Her tanned brown skin showing in all of the right places. Her skin shone in the lights of the night. She was beginning to perspire from a combination of embarrassment and heat from the warm evening, She could feels the beads of sweat forming on her hot tanned skin. Her hair, as usual was gorgeous. Even her hair was sexy. She felt very exposed by the situation. Hundreds of people were about to witness an incredibly embarrassing moment for her. “I feel like I’m naked up here,” she joked. Evidently, she had been very popular with the audience, because she had garnered the most votes. She could not believe that this was really going to happen to her. She instinctively would have liked to find a way out of this, but she knew that there was no way for her to escape this.

Sheryl was not too sure how she felt about getting humiliated in front of a stadium full of people. One thing was for sure, the people had voted to see Sheryl Crow getting covered in mess and that was exactly what they were about to witness. She was about to have god knows what poured on her head while the entire audience watched and laughed at her. “Well you all voted for me, because you wanted to see me get messy. Thanks a lot, I think,” Sheryl said sarcastically. She was given a stools that she sat down onto. She adjusted her skirt when she sat down, trying her best to not allow anyone to be able to see up her skirt as she sat down. She had not been told anything about what might be planned for her, so whatever was coming was going to come as a complete surprise to her. Of course, she had seen what had become of Fiona and Jewel earlier in the evening, so had a bit of an inkling about what might be in store for her. Sheryl had tried very hard to build a reputation as a credible recording artist. This was going to do nothing for that image. Little did Sheryl know that the leftover food from the food stands and the contents of the festival’s many overflowing trash cans were already being prepared just for her. This was going to prove a fantastic way to dispose of all of the spoiled food and waste that the concert goers had produced. Sheryl was going to be turned into a sort of human compost heap, so to speak.

“Is everybody ready?,” the voice on the loudspeaker boomed. The crowd cheered its approval. Sheryl shook her head and sheepishly said no. Ignoring what Sheryl had said, the voice kept on,” In that case it is trash time.” The audience began to chant the word trash. Sheryl began to squirm in her seat. She smiled nervously, still quite unaware of what was planned for her. She nervously adjusted her skirt and looked around behind her to see if anything was coming.



Sarah Mcglaughlin then came out on stage to the applause of the crowd. “Hi everyone,” she said,” As everyone knows, we at Lilith Fair are always fighting for the planet. We always try to keep green as much as possible. We would encourage everyone out there to reduce, reuse and recycle. With that in mind, our proceedings today are keeping very much in theme with that. You see, we have a lot of unsold food and stuff that would just be thrown away normally, as the tour is coming to an end. There is a lot of it that is spoiled so is no longer suitable for consumption. All of that would normally get thrown away. We at Lilith Fair will not allow of that food to be thrown out and to go to waste like that. Conveniently, we have found another, very good use for all of the expired and spoiled food. Isn’t that fantastic Sheryl?,” she asked. “Oh yeah, that’s marvellous,” Sheryl replied, smiling and rolling her eyes. “Do you know what we are going to do with all of that food Sheryl?” “I can have a pretty good guess,” Sheryl replied sarcastically. “Well, I can tell you. We are going to pour it all over Sheryl’s head.” The crowd erupted in a flurry laughter and applause. Sheryl screwed up her mouth, giving a worried look. She blushed and smiled. “What’s the matter Sheryl? You support recycling don’t you,” Sarah asked. “I do, but just not on my head,” Sheryl said, laughing. “Seriously though, I am begging you please don’t do this,” she pleaded. “Sorry, Sheryl, those are the rules,” Sarah said. “We want to treat you to a very special lunch courtesy of all of the fine food stalls that we have here at Lilith Fair. It will be a taste sensation for you, I am sure,” she teased. Sheryl looked up at her. She laughed and shook her head.

The buckets were already being brought into position. “As I have said, the contents of these buckets is all of the food that was going to be thrown away at the end of the festival. It is all spoiled. We would never waste perfectly good edible food here. It will be a veritable feast for Sheryl here. I hope that you are hungry,” she teased. The first bucket was brought out by one of the other acts. She stood next to Sheryl and showed her the bucket. Sheryl looked down and saw what was in the bucket. What she saw was a conglomeration of spoiled food. Baked beans, bits of hotdog, ketchup and mustard all slopped together in one bucket. It smelled atrocious. The hot sun did not do anything for the already spoiled food. Sheryl closed her eyes and gave a disgusted look. “That smells gross!!,” she expounded. Of course all this did was illicit laughs and whistles from the audience. “Ok, everyone, its lunch time,” Sarah shouted. Sheryl was about to have some of the most disgusting stuff she had ever seen in her life poured on her head. Sheryl begged the woman holding the bucket not to do this to her, but it was to little avail.

Sheryl put her hands together in front of her. She closed her eyes and scrunched up her face. The woman stood behind Sheryl and lifted the bucket up into the air. Sheryl’s face in a pained expression, every muscle in her body was contracting in anticipation. The woman tipped the bucket slightly. The leftover food began to roll out over the edge of the bucket downwards. Some of the larger lumps of food that were floating at the top of the bucket fell first. Bits of hot dog, beans and even bits of hot dog buns fell from the bucket and landed on Sheryl’s head. All covered in a mixture of disgusting substances. Large chunks of the food rolled down her face. Bits of hot dog and bun landed on her chest and on her lap. Sheryl then felt the sloppy splat as the speed of the mess increased. The disgusting saucy mixture of spoiled food splatted down onto her face. In an instant Sheryl felt the mess pouring down over her face. Sheryl’s could be seen laughing, shaking her head and talking to herself as the mixture of mess poured down over her tanned facial features. The sauce and beans poured straight down onto her face. Her nose, eyes and mouth were entirely covered in it. The woman pouring the mess was thoroughly enjoying the experience. She confidently poured the mess all over Sheryl Crow. The mess now made its way down Sheryl’s bare arms and over her chest. Her sexy, golden tanned skin now dripped in redish orange slop. Her upper arms were totally covered. The mess dripped down to her wrists. Her vest was stained with a tinge of the mess. Her breasts were totally coated. Her beautiful harm stayed relatively clean first, but soon was stuck with beans and hotdog bits, hanging from everywhere. She could now feel the mess pouring over her lap and all over her legs. The woman doing the pouring seemed to not want to leave any part of Sheryl clean. The messy mixture now poured down all over Sheryl’s thin, but muscular tanned legs. The red saucy mess soon covered her thighs and poured down over Sheryl’s famously sexy knees. Mess rolled down her calves and all over her boots. Everyone watching this was loving what they were witnessing. When the bucket was finally empty, the performer smacked her hand on the bottom to allow that bits that were stuck at the bottom, congealed in filth to fall onto her Sheryl. She then placed the bucket on Sheryl’s head. Sheryl sat there dripping in the spoiled mess from head to toe. She stomped her feet up and down. Her sexy legs jiggled in the mess that covered them. The bucket over hr head, so she could still see nothing. She felt like a fool. This was very embarrassing for her. Eventually Sarah re-emerged and lifted the bucket from Sheryl’s head. Sheryl gave a little scream. She screwed up her face and laughed. She shook her arms and hands, letting some of the mess roll down her fingers. Then ends of her hair still looked normal. Individual bits of mess fell everywhere from her body. She took her hand and wiped some of the mess from her nose. “It stinks!,” she shouted. She laughed. Her face soaked in the sloppy mess. She could feel the mess all over her body. She could feel it beneath her butt and legs on the seat. It was all over her body.

A second bucket was now produced. “Well, Sheryl will be pleased to know that our second bucket comes from an old down home style stall. The bucket is filled with mashed potatoes, gravy, carrots, peas, corn and some lovely chicken fried steak. All mashed together to make a delicious combination. How does that sound Sheryl?,” Sarah asked. Sheryl looked at her in disbelief. “Sounds just yummy,” Sheryl said sarcastically as she pulled a big of hot dog from her hair. “Mind you, it has been sitting backstage in the hot sun for the last few hours, so it probably has started to get a bit funky, but never mind, it is just perfect for what we are going to use it for. Bon appetite, Sheryl Crow.” Another one of Sheryl’s fellow artists took the bucket and got into position. She gave a massive smile to the fans. The fans cheered enthusiastically as she raised the bucket full of someone’s dinner. As she lifted it up, Sheryl lowered her head slightly and shut her eyes tightly. The singer began to pour the contents of the bucket down onto Sheryl. As the food began to make its way from the bucket, it made a disgusting plopping sound. Gravy ran out from the bucket first, hitting Sheryl in the face. Gravy ran down her face over her nose and between her eyes. It poured down her mouth. Sheryl was treated to the hideous taste of the thick rich brown gravy as it began to cover her face and arms. Bits of vegetables and meat now began to fall from the bucket and fall over Sheryl. All of it congealed in the sloppy, thick gravy. She closed her eyes so could only guess what she could feel falling down her face and chest. She could feel bits of the meat and vegetables rolling their way down her body. Some of the bits settled in various places on her body as they went. She could feel some of the larger bits collecting on her lap and in her cleavage. Finally, gigantic lumps of mashed potato fell from the bucket, soaked and congealed in thick gravy, everything tinged with brown. The mash fell in large blobs, landing on various parts of Sheryl’s body. When they hit her body the smushed apart. The mashed potatoes felt cold and starchy, unnatural against Sheryl’s incredibly sexy skin. Mash stuck all over Sheryl’s boots. She stomped her feet and wiggled her legs about. She rubbed her hands on her thighs and calves, smearing the sloppy mashed potatoes and gravy on her legs and boots. When the bucket was finally empty, she was left dripping in brown mess all over her body, distinguished only by the larger lumps of food that stuck onto various areas of her body. Sheryl looked up and laughed, soaked in gravy. She tried to flick some of the mess at the artist who had done the pouring. Instead, the woman walked away, smiling from ear to ear. She took a bow as she left the stage.

Sarah re-emerged. “Now, I know Sheryl here loves Italian food. So, our next bucket comes from the Italian stall. In it we have spaghetti, meatballs, cheese, sauce, pasta, I even think the salad is in there somewhere. All put together in such a nice package.” The bucket was brought out. When Sarah got a whiff of it, she shook her hand in front of her face and held her nose. “That really does stink,” she admitted. Everyone including Sheryl laughed. “Thanks for that,” Sheryl said sarcastically. She gave two thumbs up. She knew what was about to be coming her way. Another one of the performers was now took a hold of the bucket and got ready to let Sheryl have it. Sheryl took a deep breath in anticipation. “Get ready for some spaghetti,” Sarah shouted. Sheryl applauded and gave a fake laugh. “Very funny,” she mouthed. Sheryl barely had time to even get that out. By the time she was half way through the sentence, the bucket of Italian food was already being poured onto her. The disgusting slop fell from the bucket with a sloppy thud, landing on top of Sheryl’s head. What emerged was a revolting tangled mess of various types of pasta and spaghetti with meatballs, cheese and sauce. There was spiral pasta, rigatoni, ziti and even some ravioli mixed in. The smell was indeed nauseating and went off through the night air. The disgusting mess landed on top of Sheryl’s head first. A pile of the disgusting Italian food waste piled on top of Sheryl’s head and toppled down her face. The top of her head and half of her face was covered in amass of tangled pasta in disgusting sauce. More poured down over her face. She nearly gagged from the stench of the rancid spaghetti sauce. She grimaced as the mess poured over her face. More rolled down her body. Her shoulders and breasts were soon tangled in mess of sloppy Italian food. More rolled down her from and poured over her skirt and onto her legs. She could feel pasta and meatballs on her lap and between her legs. She could here people in the audience remarking about how disgusting that the spaghetti mess looked. It all felt cold and slimy. It was all sort of red and orange from the sauce all over the meatballs and pasta. Her face and body were smeared with pasta sauce. Sheryl was half covered in every type of pasta imaginable and twisted together in a putrid pile of mess. She opened her legs and allowed the pasta to fall in between before taking her hands and pushing some of the larger bits away. All she could do was give an embarrassed smile and laugh. She knew how she must look by this point. “It’s so gross,” she shouted.

“Now, hopefully this exercise will demonstrate the amount of food that we waste everyday in this country,” Sarah said, making her way back out to the stage. “We just waste so much food. So much just goes in the trash in this country. It is disgusting. With so many people in the world starving because there is not enough to eat. We will demonstrate this clearly now. Can the Dixie Chicks please comes out here,” she asked. The Dixie Chicks emerged with a large garbage can. “In this can that they are holding in nothing but food that people have thrown away today at the show. It all would normally go the dump. Now it will be dumped on Sheryl Crow as a symbol of the message that we are trying to get across.” “It’s a nice thought, but couldn’t you have thought of a better way to do this than to pour it over my head?,” Sheryl asked. “Nah, not really,” Sarah replied with a laugh. She then spurred the crowd on with the chant of “Trash, trash, trash.” The Dixie Chicks lifted the garbage can in the air and began to dump its contents onto Sheryl Crow. In the bucket was very manner of food waste imaginable. There was bits of half eaten hamburgers, squashed French fries, bits of fish and mouldy half eaten slices of pizza among other things. All of it was other people’s half eaten food. It was about to be poured all over Sheryl Crow. The Dixie Chicks lifted the trash can together and began to pour. Sheryl was hit by an avalanche of discarded, half eaten food. It rained down on her from above. She quickly wrapped her arms around herself as the mouldy food poured down onto her. For a minute, she could not even be seen under the mountain of food waste that was pouring down onto her. Bits of pizza crust, the remains of a hotdog with its bun, cotton candy and French fries were just some of the items that stuck to her body. The remains of a half eaten ice cream cone stuck to her head. Some of it was already thick with mould and slop. The stuff that covered her was so disgusting that it did not even do with thinking about. It covered her from head to toe.

Sarah walked back on stage. “Finally, we are going to urge everyone to recycle. Right now, we are going to be taking some of the trash that has been discarded today at the show and reusing it by pouring it over Sheryl here. It is all for a good cause.” “Yeah, everyone, so if you are walking down the street and you have a bit of garbage, don’t put it in the trash can, pour it over my head instead. Why not?,” Sheryl joked. “I won’t mind. Why not?,” she joked. Now all of the other artists, apart from Jewel and Fiona Apple emerged carrying a gigantic garbage can. Sarah then shouted,” Ladies, take out the trash.” The women raised the bucket over Sheryl. The audience gave a huge ovation. They all tipped the garbage can over Sheryl. Garbage began to pour from the bucket onto Sheryl. Sheryl could now testify the garbage was one hundred percent authentic. The stench was horrendous. The garbage had been sitting outside in the sun all day. There were even flies circling the garbage can. It wasn’t just food that was in the bucket, but every other kind of waste that you could think of. Some of it was rotting and only half recognisable. It was soaked in garbage water. The trash now poured onto Sheryl Crow. It was a fine demonstration of how much is thrown away and wasted all over the world. “From your trash cans to Sheryl’s head,” Sarah said. When the dust settled, Sheryl’s face emerged from the pile of trash. She wiped some of the trash from her face. She gave a pout like frown. She could feel garbage inside her clothes. She was soaked in garbage water. She stayed seated in her place. “Lets give her a round of applause. She was such a good sport. Sheryl Crow everyone,” Everyone gave her a huge round of applause.

As the remaining acts performed later in the evening, Sheryl was left to clean herself off backstage. The facilities were less than desirable. She spent the next few hours cleaning leftover food and garbage off of herself. She felt as though she smelt like the rubbish for a few weeks after that day. The smell and the feel of all of that discarded food and trash was something that would prove impossible to forget.

Stwnsh ar y ffordd 2012 episode 6

Another great week on Stwnsh ar y ffordd. the female teacher got messy again. It was close, but the result went the right way. She got it pretty good as well.

http://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2012/05/26/stwnsh-ar-y-ffordd-2012-episode-6/