Sunday, 28 February 2016
Emily Blunt Short Story
Emily Blunt took a citizenship test and successfully passed it, becoming an official US citizen. Her friends and family were very happy for her. They decided to plan a special celebration commemorating this joyful occasion. They decided to welcome her to the country by introducing her to some American foods, first hand. They were going to be covering her in some American foods.
After she had passed the test, she returned home to find that her friends and family were throwing her a party in celebration of her success. The house was decorated with banners and other US themed decorations. It was a warm day, so there was a whole setup of tables and food in the garden. Everyone congratulated her as she walked in. She wore dark blue dress with aqua shoulders.
Everyone then joined her in the garden. Her partner then began to speak,” Well, congratulations Emily. You are now a full-fledged American citizen. We are so happy to have you. We have thrown this party in your honour, formally welcoming you to the country.” At this point, a massive sheet cake with the American flag drawn on it in icing along with the words,” Congratulations Emily,” written across it in large lettering. Emily looked genuinely touched as she looked down at the massive cake. “So Emily, this cake is all for you. We want to welcome you in style.” Everyone grinned as Emily looked at him, beginning to wonder what was up. With that, he thrust the cake upwards into her face, splattering the cake all over her face and body. She laughed as the entire cake collapsed all over her. Her mouth fell as the marble cake and all of the frosting covering it fell all over her, sticking to her face and dress. Her friends and family laughed. They all shouted,” Welcome to America”.
“Yes, you are as American as apple pie now,” her partner said. Before she could react, he had an apple and cream pie in his hand. In an instant he plopped it down onto her head. The casing stayed in place on top of her head as the crumbly apple mess ran down the sides of her face. Emily’s guests then began to squirt her with condiments from the buffet. They began to squirt her with barbeque sauce, mayonnaise, ketchup and mustard. Someone else dumped a jar of pickles over her head. She screamed and waived her hands as she was sprayed in , multi-coloured condiments all over her body. Her partner then dumped a bowl of salad over her head. She laughed and screeched.
People then began to throw burger buns, hot dogs and even chicken wings at her. She began throwing things back, but she was the target. Her partner then dumped a plate of jello down her dress. Salads such as potato salad and coleslaw were then dumped over her. She crouched, covering her head. She was now almost completely covered in mess from head to toe. She laughed uncontrollably.
Her partner then lifted her up in his arms and carried her over to the swimming pool. She begged him not to do this, but he paid her no mind. He tossed her in the air and dumped her into the swimming pool fully dressed. The water cleared some of the mess off of her, but it also forced her dress upwards, revealing everything underneath to everyone in attendance. When her head popped out of the water, everyone was there to greet her. They all shouted,” Congratulations, Emily.”
They then all dumped what was left on the buffet tables over into the pool and all over Emily. “Is it too late to change my mind?,” she joked.
Sunday, 21 February 2016
Daisy Ridley It’s going to be amazing
Daisy Ridley got a huge break when she was chosen to play Rey in Star Wars, the Force Awakens. It was a huge hit and it made her an instant star. She began to receive every sort of offer imaginable. It was better than she had ever dreamt it could be. She got to pick and choose what she wanted to do. Much to everyone’s surprise, one of the things that she always wanted to do was to appear on Let Her Have It. She had wanted to be slimed from an early age. Her agent actually tried to get her to not pursue this, but she insisted. “I want to get gunged,” she would demand,” I want this to happen.” The producers of the show were overjoyed when they heard the news that she wanted to appear. “You don’t understand,” she would tell people,” I am going to get completely covered in slop. It is going to be amazing,” she would say. She was looking forward to this in a major way.
Daisy wore a short cut blue dress. She kept repeating to herself,” I’m going to get gunged.” She was super excited about this. She was welcomed to the show by Mr. G. . They went over to the couch together. She was smiling from ear to ear. “Daisy Ridley, welcome to Let Her Have it. You seem very enthusiastic.” “Oh yes, I am very excited. I have wanted to get gunged for so long. I am gagging for it. I want it so bad,” she said. “Seriously? You aren’t just joking around?,” Mr. G. responded. “God, no. I want this to happen. I want to have mess all over me. I just love it. I always have,” she said, laughing. “Bring it on.” “Well, we would hate to disappoint you Daisy.” “The messier the better. Nail me,” she said. She fluttered her eyelashes suggestively. Everyone laughed. She shrugged her shoulders. “Take that however you will,” she giggled. “I do want that dirty mess all over me though,” she continued,” I am all yours,” she said in her sexiest voice. “You are definitely going to get an evening that you will never forget,” Mr. G. replied. “I am counting on it,” she fired back. “We, actually have created a new messy device. You will be the first one to be put into it.” “Oh my gosh, what a privilege. You have to promise to let me have a copy of the tapes though. I am going to want to watch this over and over again, I know it.” “Ok then, if you are ready, come along with me.”
Mr. G. led Daisy over to the curtain. It was then pulled back revealing the messy device behind it. The messy device was in the shape of a speeder, similar to the one that her character Rey rode on in the film. Daisy laughed. She shook Mr. G.’s hand. She thought that this was very clever. He motioned for her to climb on board. She climbed on top, sitting in position on it. Instead of leaning forward, the seat was made to lean back slightly on this one. “Am I going to be space slimed?,” she asked. “Oh yes, you are going to get the mess that you have been waiting for,” he replied. She smiled. “Are you ready?,” he asked. “Oh, I am so ready, you have no idea,” she replied. “Ok then, here we go.”
He backed away and the lights lowered. Some noises began and lights flashed. Daisy was grinning from ear to ear. Her face flashed with an incredible look of anticipation. She was beaming was excitement. She grinned as neon green gunge slimed her from above. It splattered the top of her head and face. It poured over her dark hair and over her cheeks. As this was happening, neon pink gunge began to spray upwards from the speeder. It splattered onto her chest and face as the green gunge continued to pour simultaneously. She squealed with laughter. She was unable to wipe the massive smile off of her face.
Yellow gunge then sprayed at her sideways. It almost looked like laser beams where coming at her. They hit her shoulders, arm and chest. She was crisscrossed with various streams of messy gunge, at this point. Neon blue gunge then began to descend upon her from above. At the same time, orange gunge sprayed from behind her across her back and body. The whole time, Daisy was laughing uproariously at her situation. She then closed her eyes and enjoyed the situation as gunge sprayed on her from all directions. She was relishing every moment of it as it happened.
Finally all of the gunge came to a halt and the lights came back to normal. Daisy sat in her seat, happily playing in the gunge, rubbing her arms and legs. She was a mess with various streams of brightly coloured mess all over her. Mr. G. then approached her. She made faces, blew kisses and posed in the gunge. “I have to say that was everything I had hoped for and more. It feels amazing. I never wanted it to end. You can gunge me anytime Mr. G.,” she joked, “This had been every bit as good as being in one of the biggest films ever. You are going to have a hard time getting rid of me,” she joked. “All you ladies at home, my advice, get gunged. It’s the best.”
Mr. G. thanked Daisy, concluding that she was one of the best guests ever on the show.
Monday, 15 February 2016
Alex Kingston in costume
Alex Kingston played the role of Moll Flanders. There was a time when the character was a prostitute. She would do a great deal of nefarious things to earn money. The show was a period costume drama. In it everyone wore period costumes including frilly dresses.
On one notable occasion, the show turned very messy for Miss Kingston. On this occasion, Alex’s character was hired by man to be placed in the stocks in public tavern. He would then get to pelt her with rotten fruit and vegetables along with other varied messes, much to the amusement of the bawdy clientele that frequented the tavern.
It was late in the evening and the man had already had more than a few alcoholic beverages. He was a middle aged man. He was blonde and had a bristly moustache. He was covered in mud and dust from a hard day’s working. He wore a pair of brown leather braces as well a thick leather belt with a wide brass clasp at the front. He wore knee high black leather boots. He wore a dirty beige tank top and khaki coloured trousers. He also had on a grey flat brimmed cap. He was missing more than a few teeth. He had spent the majority of the evening drinking to excess and was really showing it at this point. He was clearly inebriated. His speech was slurred and he was having trouble staying upright. He had been lucky on a game of chance and had some extra change that was not typical for him to have.
He had his eye on Alex’s character more and more throughout the evening. He was now intoxicated to the extent that his inhibitions were lowered to a level where he felt able to approach her. He drunkenly stumbled over to her as she stood by the bar. “Oi, you,” he abruptly uttered, “ I have some money here. I’ll pay you if you get in them stocks and let me dump rubbish all over you.” She gave a wry smile. “I’m not saying that I don’t trust you, but may I see this money that you have first?” He opened his hand showing her what he had. He indeed had enough money on him to pay for this service. “Ok,” she said,” I need to have half upfront. I need to know that you aren’t going to have your way and then run off without paying.” “Fair enough,” he said, without arguing the toss. He handed her half of the fee. She walked over to where a set of stocks had been set up previously. They were normally used as a device of punishment.
The tavern keeper walked over with them to the stocks and raised the top of them for her to get in. She leaned in gingerly. She had to be careful to arrange her curly hair and frilly dress perfectly, so nothing would get caught in the stocks. She then placed her neck and wrists into position. The top was then lowered and the tavern keeper locked the sides of it, making escape impossible. The patron then scrambled to get some items to use on the prone woman. He returned with containers of rotten food.
She smiled,” Do with me what you will. You paid for my services. I am all yours for the remainder of the hour,” she said. The man replied,” Oh don’t worry love, I fully intend on getting my money’s worth.” The raucous patrons began to get very rowdy at this point. They cheered his name and urged him to let her have it. They jeered her. Some of them called her a slapper and a dirty wench among other choice jibes.
He began with some rotten vegetables. He started with old, mouldy, rotten tomatoes. They were blotched with disgusting spots. He smiled as he wound up and threw the first at her. It hit her in the face and squashed against it. Seeds and tomato parts exploded onto her face and all over her frizzy curled hair. He then tossed two more which collided with her head. He then moved around and tossed two more at her rear end. Her frizzy hair was soon entwined with tomato seeds and tomato juice. The tomatoes were also very slimy through and through, which made them less than pleasant.
The tomatoes were followed by aubergines. These were even more seed filled and slimier than the tomatoes had been. They were larger as well. The first one was enormous. The massive purple vegetable flew through the air in a wobbly motion like a wounded duck and landed with a splat on her forehead. Slime, fleshy vegetable and seeds exploded over her face and hair. Her frizzy hair was instantly entangled in the rotten, foul smelling mess. Slime dripped down her face and chin.
He then began to throw the rest of what was left of the vegetables at her. This included marrow, cabbage and lettuce. He then grabbed a gigantic rotten pumpkin. He cut the top off and tossed it aside. He then approached her. He stuffed his hands into the pumpkin and pulled out the insides of it, including the seeds. He then pushed all of this directly into her face. He rubbed the pumpkin guts around in her face with his hands. She closed her eyes as she was treated to a face full of rotten pumpkin. He then pulled up and dropped the connecting bits onto her curly hair. He then took the remainder of the pumpkin itself and pushed it down onto her head as a sort of ridiculous helmet. She sputtered and squirmed.
He then procured a basket of rotten eggs. He began to take target at her body. He threw them as hard as he could at her. Everyone cheering and commenting as each one hot her, exploding each time, all over her body. One after another, after another. It did not seem to let up. Egg after egg. Soon she was covered in so much rotten egg that her heavy dress was soaked in them. It was sagging now, covered in slimy egg. The smell of egg was unmistakable.
He then whispered to some of the other patrons. By this time, everyone was singing and shouting. One by one they all returned. They did not return empty handed, however. Each arrived with a wooden bucket from their homes. At this time, they were used as indoor trash cans. Food waste and other rubbish would be pushed into these. They now were going to be dumped over the woman in the stocks.
A sort of conveyer system was formed at this point. People would pass the wooden bucket to the man. He would dump the slop in them over the young lady and then he would pass the bucket along again. There were at least two dozen of these from all around the village. She closed her eyes as it started. Everyone was singing a sprightly pub song as he dumped one after the other after the other over her. Vegetable peelings, plate scraping and general slop were in the buckets. She could feel as they were dumped on her. She could not see very well what was happening, but she could feel and certainly she could smell what was happening to her. This truly was slop in the truest sense of the word. Every type of discarded food particle imaginable was soon covering her. Some was runny and sloppy, other parts were lumps of things. She was soon covered from head to toe in the rubbish.
Everyone cheered loudly. She was allowed out of the stocks. Her dress nearly fell to the floor from the weight of the mess that covered it. Her hair was interlaced with bits of discarded rubbish. She took a bow. She was then led outside of the tavern and was dumped in a trough that was used by horses to drink out of. She was pushed in, landing with a splash. She sat inside of it, legs sticking out, comically. Her customer gave her the eye. He looked down on her. “Thanks love, you earned this,” he said, giving her the remainder of what he owed. She looked at him. “ I tell you what,” she said,” The night is young, want to go upstairs?” his eyes lit up. “Sure love.” “I won’t even charge any extra. Call it a bonus. Just don’t tell your mates or they will all expect special treatment.” “Cross my heart and hope to die,” he said, reaching down to help her out of the trough.