Friday, 27 May 2016
Kelly Macdonald Homecooking
Kelly MacDonald was a well-respected Scottish actress who had been in many big films and television series in Hollywood. She was understated, but quite sexy in her own way. She was a bit shy, but could be a bit naughty as well. She was selected as a candidate to be covered in mess. She is someone whom leftovers would suit very well. A lot of her friends and family wanted to see that happen to her very much.
Kelly was going to be coming to Scotland to visit for a little while. She would be taking part in a fete that would be taking place near the places that she had grown up. Her friends and relatives decided that it would be a very good thing for them to do to set her up and have home grown Scottish people get the chance to slop a celebrity. It would also remind Kelly to be humble and of where she came from. She had no idea that it would happen. She thought that she would be having a nice day out on that day.
She showed up dressed in a traditional, floral, lacy dress. She served during the day as a sort of a grand marshal for the event. She handed out raffle prizes and made announcements. Towards the end of the evening, she stood at the microphone with one of the organisers. The whole town was gathered around watching. She began to speak, “Thank you Kelly for your time and coming back to see everyone. We really appreciate it. However, we have a bit of a surprise for you.” At this point she thought that she may get presented with a plaque or keys to the city or something. “We don’t want to ever to forget this day, or where you come from, so we have arranged something that, we feel, you will never, ever forget. What we are going to do is put you in the stocks and cover you with lovely home grown Scottish cuisine. “Kelly looked very surprised.
The organiser grabbed her arm and led her down into the field where the pillory was set up for her. Before she could react, some male friends of her parents were putting her into the stocks and locking her in them. The local press was all there as well. They began snapping pictures. Kelly looked up at an excited sea of faces. Her body strained a bit, bent over in the stocks. She was looking quite embarrassed. She was completely helpless. Everyone was loving this. Kelly was about to get it good in front of everyone in her home town.
“So, Kelly, we want to give you a reminder of home. A taste of Scotland, you might say. We have haggis, neeps and tatties for you. All specially made just for you. Unfortunately, you will not be eating it. Instead, you will be wearing it.” Kelly realised that was about to get covered in traditional Scottish cuisine. There were three buckets filled with the three substances. They were grey, orange and white. She was about to get served. Kelly raised an eyebrow. Friends and family from her past were going to get to do the honours.
The idea that this was going to happen to a Hollywood star before their very eyes. Her friends and family raised the three buckets over Kelly. She grimaced and whimpered. Everyone was cheering and clamouring for this to happen. The cheers could be heard for miles in all directions when the food made first contact with Kelly MacDonald. The three messes simultaneously came down upon her. Anyone outside of Scotland might consider the food as particularly unappealing.
The mess rained down onto Kelly. Haggis, neeps and tatties soon poured over her face and body. This was something that everyone wanted to witness. Everyone was chanting the word haggis. It poured all over her. They moved the buckets back and forth over Kelly. Haggis, neeps and tatties rolled down over Kelly’s face. It stuck to her hair and rolled down her chin. Neeps and tatties were all over her clothes and body. The buckets poured back and forth over her. Suede and mash stuck to the top of her head. Everyone roared in laughter at what they were witnessing. This mess was thick and very sloppy.
They then poured liquor sauce over her. It soaked her dress and stained it black. They poured some over her head. It dripped from her chin and cheeks. It looked and smelled hideous. Eating it was one thing, wearing it was quite another.
They then handed Scotch eggs out to some of the younger people in the town. They were lined up across from Kelly. They were told that they were going to get to throw them at the celebrity. They counted down from three. Everyone then flung their Scotch eggs at Kelly. They smashed against Kelly and the pillory. One after another hit their target, as everyone roared with laughter. When they hit, they exploded, covering Kelly’s head with egg and breadcrumbs. The entire pillory was plastered in white, yellow and brown sludgy mess. Kelly gave a theatrical pout.
The organiser then leaned over and spoke to Kelly. “So, Kelly, welcome home. How was it for you?” “Well, I must say, I never thought that the day would end with me getting haggis poured on my head or being covered in Scotch egg. I’m never visiting again,” she joked,” I hope you all enjoyed that. It was a good laugh.”
She was allowed out of the stocks. She took a bow and scraped some of the suede and potato from her hair and face. She was glad that she could make people’s dream of hitting a celebrity with a Scotch egg come true. It was very embarrassing and quite a few people found the idea of embarrassing a celebrity very attractive. There was nowhere for her to clean up either and the single towel that they provided to her in order to clean up with was not much cop, so she ended up spending the rest of the afternoon, almost fully covered in the delightful dishes she had been served with.
Tuesday, 24 May 2016
Gabrielle Aplin abroad
Gabrielle Aplin knew she was really in for it. She found herself on a children’s television show in a country somewhere in Europe. She did not speak the language, but could get the gist of what was being said. She knew that she was sat in a seat in what appeared to be some sort of tank. She was being spoken about, that was clear. There appeared to be something suspended above her head. She had a good impression that whatever that was would be coming her way very soon, one way or another. She was wearing a denim jacket, shorts and black boots. Her sexy bare legs were showing.
She was more than a little worried. She knew that they couldn’t do anything too bad to her, but she could tell that whatever was going to happen would, most likely, be embarrassing for her. They seemed to be enjoying the idea of humiliating the unsuspecting English celebrity. She knew she was being laughed at by everyone there. Her agent would later deny that he knew anything about what would happen to her on the show. He would swear that what was to occur was never mentioned. Truth be told, he probably enjoyed what happened more than just about anyone else.
Luckily for her, it would not be broadcast on UK television. However, anyone with an internet connection would be able to find the clip online if they so desired to look for it. At least it be slightly more difficult to get a hold of. It would prove to be the most embarrassing experience of her life by some margin. At the beginning of the interview, they had spoken some in English, now they were not speaking in anything but their native tongue. Gabrielle could do nothing but sit where she was and await whatever was about to come her way. She could tell that everyone was enjoying themselves, laughing and commenting on her. The way they were looking her suggested that something not so good would be happening to her.
They turned to her and smiled. The lights flashed. Gabrielle then heard what sounded like the words,” Beef stew.” “Oh shit,” she said. She heard a noise above her head. She looked up out of instinct and was hit with a tidal wave of beef stew. It was brown and sloppy with chunks of beef and various vegetables throughout. Everyone watching was elated as they watched the beef stew pour down over the singer. Her face was instantly covered. She pushed her hands to her face in order to push some of the chunkier bits away. The stew did not stop though. It continued to plop all over her face and body.
Stew splattered all over her legs and jacket. It filled the pockets of her clothing and layered her clothes in thick brown mess. She struggled in the stew as it inundated her, filling up the areas around her body. Her hair was soaked in sloppy brown stew. Her face was covered. Everyone else seemed to be dancing and celebrating her embarrassment. As it slowed to a stop, she shrugged her shoulders in resignation. She knew that they did not know much English, so she blurted out, “ What the fuck is this shit you’ve dumped on me?” They paid no attention to what she said.
They began to talk a bit more. They pointed again at her. With that, another substance began to fall down upon her. The stuff that fell upon her this time was actually unidentifiable. It was some sort of foreign food, but it was hard to tell what it actually was. It was a sloppy grey colour. It splattered everywhere as it came down. She tightened her body, raised her hands and lowered her chin. It was lumpy and truly disgusting. It made a sickening plopping noise as it splatted all over her. She flung her head and screamed. This disgusting substance was all over her. It matted in her thick, brown, curly hair. She screamed,” I can’t believe this.
Everyone was pointing and laughing at her. She looked very annoyed. At this point, more mess fell onto her. This substance was also almost unidentifiable as well, but it looked like food waste. There were thin noodles and bits of vegetable in it. It was an orange colour. It poured onto her. Her mouth fell open. She gagged a bit. It looked putrid, but so good upon her. She shouted,” It looks like someone puked on me.”
She stood up and stomped off the set. She was very annoyed. The beautiful singer, covered in mess. It was all over her sexy body.
Sunday, 22 May 2016
Toni Duggan any publicity is good
Toni Duggan was possibly the most famous female football player in the world. She played in Manchester. She was considered to be one of the more attractive female athletes as well. Women’s football in the UK was not as popular as some would possibly expect. Toni was relatively famous and was sent out to do press and television in order to promote women’s football in the UK. She would appear on all sorts of show and in media to try and spread the word and increase interest.
One of the shows she appeared on was a sports magazine show on one of the sports channel. They looked at sports in a fun and humorous kind of way. They would play silly games and had many sports stars appear doing silly things and talking sports. The show was hosted by a male and female presenter. On it Toni was pushing hard for people to come and see the matches or to watch them. She began to question the presenters,” Now, have you ever been to a woman’s football match?,” she asked the male presenter. “ Well, you know what, I have been meaning to go for ages, but just have never quite gotten around to it.” “Well, that’s no good. Boo!! You need to go, and tell all of your mates. I tell you what, if you come to the match on Saturday, I will make it worth your while. Let’s say, if you come and watch, I will take a bucket of mess of your choosing. If you bring friends, you can add one bucket for each of them. Does that sound fair?” The presenter certainly liked the sound of that. He jumped at this of course. “Ok then, I will see you at the match. Then, I will come back on the show on Sunday and will take my messing,” she said.
All of it came to pass. The presenter came to the match. He brought five friends with him as well. They enjoyed it thoroughly and promoted it all over television and radio. Toni had done very well, now it was time for her to fulfil her end of the bargain. She showed up on the show in her football kit, but a smaller version than she wore on match day. The shorts and top were shorter and tighter. Her beautiful blonde hair was back in a ponytail. She smiled and waved, sat on a stool. She was shown through the show and her messing was teased. She looked all too happy to be there.
Finally, as the show was nearing its end, it was mess time for Toni Duggan. It was explained that the presenter had brought five friends with him, so he would be getting to dump six different buckets of mess on Toni. He would stand behind her and the buckets would be passed to him. He would read out the contents and pour. Before he began, Toni thanked him for coming and said that everyone was welcome and tickets were still available for the next match in a week’s time. She was doing a good job promoting the league and its matches.
She was ready to take the mess for the league. The presenter was handed the first bucket. Toni gave two thumbs up and smiled as he said the name of the first item. “Creamed corn”, he said. Her face was a picture. She did not expect that. The presenter lifted and tipped the bucket of heavy creamed corn over the footballer. He began to dump the thick yellow sloppy mess all over her head. It cascaded down her face and coated her blonde hair. It piled on her shoulders and fell down the front of her jersey. Some fell onto her knees and in between her legs. She ran her fingers over her face and laughed. It was very slimy.
He then said,” Mushy peas”. He quickly lifted bucket number two and dispatched of sloppy green mushy peas all over the football player. It poured down the front of her face and down her body. It poured over her shorts and down her calves, all over her socks and trainers. More poured down her neck and over into the back of her shirt. She shook her head, letting some of it fall from her forehead.
He then said,” Chicken Korma”. Toni erupted in laughter as she had a bucket of creamy yellow curry poured all over her. It had lumps of chicken in it which rolled down over her body. She closed her eyes as her entire face was submerged in the mild Indian dish. It was incredibly thick, filled with coconut and yoghurt. She laughed as her face disappeared momentarily in curry. He then said, “Mashed potatoes and gravy.” He took another heavy bucket and pushed it down onto the top of Ms. Duggan’s head. He left it there momentarily. When he removed it, he revealed her entire head was plastered in mashed potatoes. Gravy poured downwards onto her and soaked her top. She ran her hands across her face and tossed handfuls of the sloppy mash away, off of her face.
Next to come her way was baked beans. She shrugged her shoulders as the presenter proceeded to dump a bucket of beans all over her head. The beans and bean juice poured down over her face. She closed her eyes as her face was covered. More poured don her back and into her uniform. He then dumped more onto her shorts and all over her legs. Beans collected in her clothes, in her socks and in her trainers. She even had been in her underwear. She was soaked in bean juice. Beans ran down her calves to her ankles and feet.
The final item was vegetarian lasagne. It was filled with spinach and eggplant as well as courgette, noodles and multiple kinds of cheese and lots of tomato and béchamel sauces. It was very thick, very rich, very disgusting. It was not in a pan or tin, but was all smushed together in a large bucket. This created a disgusting substance that had no shape, but was very sloppy. The presenter announced what it was and then began to pour. Everyone gasped as they saw the multi-coloured, multi-layered slop descend all over Toni Duggan. When the first bit of it landed on her head, she recoiled at the odour of it. The avalanche of lasagne poured down over her. The presenter poured the heavy mess all over her. It was like nothing anyone had seen before. It had once been lasagne, but now was nothing more than a wave of sloppy leftover food waste. There was so much of it, she was soon covered completely. Cheese, sauce, bits of lasagne sheet, spinach and eggplant were all visible and all over Toni. She continued laughing, but was a total mess from head to toe.
The presenter then said,” I wonder if we can get your boyfriend on next week to comment about this. He is a footballer as well.” She laughed and pointed at him. “Don’t you dare. He probably wishes that he was the one pouring lasagne over my head,” she joked.