Sunday 22 July 2012

Keri Russell: Why do you hate my hair

Keri Russell: Why do you hate my hair




Keri Russell became quite popular for a short period of time when she starred in the series Felicity. The show was a big hit with people of all ages young and old. Keri found out just how popular she was when she cut off her long curly hair. People stopped her in the street and made comments about her haircut, mostly negative. Keri told an interviewer once that an old lady stopped her in the street and told her how pretty she used to be. She was amazed how many people cared about her hairstyle. It all seemed so silly.



One night Keri was making a routine appearance on a late night talk show when the subject came up in conversation. “I have to ask you about the controversy around you lately,” the host said. “That’s ok, let’s talk all about it,” Keri said, “ I thought that it might come up.” “People are very upset with you Keri and we need to address the issue here tonight. I think it is very important.” “Oh yeah, I know, I have done something truly awful that has offended so many people,” she replied. “I am a terrible person, I have done something awful and people really hate me for it.” “Do you want to confess to everyone your terrible crime?,” the host asked. “ Yes, I admit it. I am guilty. I have committed a terrible crime. I cut my hair.” “Did you hear that, ladies and gentlemen? The nerve, she cut her hair.” Everyone laughed. “You are as bad as Hitler you are. They ought to lock you up and throw away the key.” “I have been a bad, bad girl,” Keri laughed. “In all seriousness though, people are genuinely upset with you about this,” the host said. “ As incredible as that sounds.” “I know, I never realized that so many people cared so much about my hair. Get a grip people. There are real issues going on in the world, my haircut is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.” “Oh, but it is, didn’t you know,” the host joked, “ They are going have a twenty four hour news channel with updates about your hairstyle. It is really important, gripping stuff here that we are talking about. A lot of people’s lives are effected by the length of your hair, Keri.” Everyone laughed. “ You know, maybe I have been selfish. The next time I cut my hair, I will check with everyone in the world first to make sure it is ok.” “You know, you are a celebrity now Keri, you need to ask permission just to use the bathroom now. The public own you. You have to follow their orders.” “I know, I know, and the people from the studio were not thrilled as well. My haircut ruined their show. It could put hundreds of people out of work. I could cost people jobs and lower the ratings.” “See, you acted recklessly. You need to think more about the consequences of your actions.” “Who knew? Plus, I keep getting told how ugly I look now.” “For what its worth, you still look beautiful and sexy. I actually quite like your hair like that, to be honest.” “I think it just takes a little getting used to.” “I think it will be ok in the long run.”



“The thing is Keri, people are still really furious with you. So we thought that we would give them an outlet to release their frustration. That way it will all be over with and people can have closure. Everyone will then be able to move on with their lives. Basically, what we have set up is some pies and some other stuff. We are going to allow some members of the public to hurl them at you, so that they can release their rage on you. It is also the punishment that you so sorely deserve for what you have done. I think its only fair.” Keri laughed. “Well, if it will allow people to put this thing to bed and mean that my hair will now longer be the topic of conversation then that is ok by me,” she responded. She giggled a bit.



“So, Keri, if you will join me please.” The host stood up and escorted Keri to the other side of the stage away from the desks and the seats where the guests usually sat. The host walked over and motioned with his hand to Keri, as if to say, be my guest. A cardboard cut out was set up. The sort that they use of Stwnsh ar y fford. It had two holes for Kerri’s hands to go through and one larger hole for her head to fit through. Keri, cautiously walked around the back of it and looked around, seeing how she was meant to get into place. She was wearing a strapless, light blue dress. She leaned forward and place her arms through the holes in the cut out. The holes were relatively large, so she was bale to put her arms through past her elbows. She leaned forward and stuck her head through the hole. She pushed her neck through. She arched her back as she leaned forward into place. Because of the width of the hole, she was able to push her neck through as well, all the way up to her shoulders. She blushed, smiled and waived as she looked outwards. She put her hand to her forehead and shook her head with a giggle. “This is so embarrassing,” she said.



“Ok, then,” the host said. “Thanks for being a good sport Keri.””Don’t mention it,” she replied. “Now, who here would like to get a chance to let Keri have it?,” he asked the audience. Numerous hands shot up instantly from all over the audience. The host looked around. He walked around the audience. He came to an old lady waiving her hand in the front row. He walked up to her. “Now, madam,” he said,” Do you seriously want to do this?” “I really, really do,” the old woman said. “Why would you possibly want to throw mess at this lovely young celebrity?,” he asked. “ Oh she deserves it. She will look lovely dripping in mess, I think.” “Plus it will distract from the horrible haircut,” the host joked. Keri’s mouth fell open in shock. “There’s nothing wrong with my hair,” she shouted. “Well, madam what do you think of her hair?,” he asked the old lady. “She looks awful,” the woman said with a laugh. “Hey, watch it,” Keri screamed. “I can not believe this.” “I think we can make it look much better,” the host said. “Come along with me.” the old lady stood up and jogged over with him. There was a counter full of plates set up about three feet in front of Keri. The host and the old woman took their places on the other side of it, facing Keri.



“Now, don’t think that I have to explain what we are doing to be doing next,” the host said, “You will get to fling all of these plates of mess right into Kari’s face. How does that sound?” “It sounds lovely,” the old woman responded. Keri could not believe that an old lady would want to do this to her. The woman was clearly going to love doing this to her. She could hardly believe it. It was so embarrassing. “Ok, Keri, get ready for a barrage.” Keri begged the old lady,” Oh no, please,” she said. Her eyes widened and she put on a funny face. She waived her hands. She shouted, “No, please, don’t.” Her eyes widened her mouth fell open. The plates were filled with various types of food. They were essentially pie tins filled of different foods.



The old lady picked up the first tin. Overjoyed at the thought of messing up the young attractive celebrity whose face was about to become her target. The first tin was filled with a custard cream pie. It was custard with a graham cracker crust, covered in whipped cream. “Any last words for the young lady over there?,” the host said. “In yo face,” the old lady said in a funny voice. She theistically picked up the pie with both hands and flung it across at Keri’s face. It hit Keri on the left side of her face. The lady’s aim was slightly off. Keri tried to close her eyes at the last moment. The pie flew through the air and landed on her face. First the tin fell down, drifting down the side of her face, then the crust, began to fall. Half of Keri’s face was covered in yellow custard, white cream and light brown crust. The audience laughed. Keri licked her lips and rolled her eyes. The other half of her face was relatively clean, which only served to make her look even more ridiculous.



Just as Keri was about to take a deep breath after withstanding the impact of the first pie, the second one came straight at her face. This time it was a strawberry cream pie full of strawberries in puree, strawberry sauce and cream. The pie flew through the air and landed on Keri’s face. It almost bounced off. It flew threw the air and then, instantly fell in the other direction. Globs of sloppy, sticky strawberry pie filling stuck to Kerri’s face. She stuck her tongue out of her mouth. A large mass of sickly looking pie filling oozed from the front of Keri’s face and felt down onto the floor below her. Strawberries stuck to the font of her face. Her nose and the area around her mouth dripped with red mush. She looked like a child who had stuck their fingers into a jam jar. She mouth her mouth around and left the excess strawberry pie fall from off her lips and nose.



The next plate was filled with vegetable soup. It was dark brown, but filled with vegetables including green beans, carrots, chick peas, corn, potato and peas. All combined in a disgusting brown mess. The old woman balanced the plate in her hand. She tried her best not to spill any of. She carefully lifted it up. Keri expected her to throw it at her, but because the old lady did not want the soup to miss or to fall from the plate. She came up closer to Keri and personally pushed it into Keri’s face. She simply moved the plate under Keri’s chin. She turned it sideways and pushed it into her face. Keri came face to face with the plate of soup. The plate pressed against her face. She could feel the old woman’s hand, firmly holding the plate in her face. When the plate was removed, Keri’s face dripped with vegetable soup. Whole green beans fell down her face. A carrot hung from her chin. She wiped some peas from her nose. “Eat your greens, love, they are good for you,” the old lady teased her. The brown soup, covered the front of Keri’s face. It dripped down her neck and bare shoulders and down her cleavage. The disgusting brown broth poured in streaks down her shoulders and chest.



Next the woman took a plate of spaghetti. She decided that she would walk right up to Keri again. She walked up to Keri, as Keri was shaking some of the soup off of her hands. The old woman laughed as she brought the plate of disgusting, soggy, leftover spaghetti forward for Keri. She was going to love doing this. The spaghetti looked truly disgusting. It must have been sitting in someone’s refrigerator for days waiting to be used. The old lady smiled as she raised the plate in the air over Keri’s head. Keri did not have a chance to react. The lady was only inches away from her already messy face. The woman took the plate and turned it over. She aimed the spaghetti for the top of Keri’s head. The soggy spaghetti in its sloppy sauce oozed in an elongated mass downwards towards Keri’s head. It fell forward onto the top of her head and all over her hair. It then began to pour down her face. The stringy strands of spaghetti matched the shape of Keri’s curly hair perfected. They were not a dissimilar colour either. Her curly hair was now curled and twisted with spaghetti. Keri panted, sticking her tongue out. Spaghetti hung from her hair down the sides of her face and down the front. Other portions of the spaghetti fell down her face. She gagged and squealed. The smell of the tomato sauce and spaghetti was disgusting. She would not be able to describe the stench of the stinky rotten good if she was asked to. The old lady stepped back, looked at Keri and laughed. Keri could not believe an old woman was mocking her like this. Things did not get much more embarrassing than this.



The theme was continued when the old woman came forward with a plate full of sloppy spiral pasta. All Keri could do was close her eyes as the woman walked forward and tipped the pasta over her head. It stuck in her hair and on her face. Some of it rolled off. The old woman managed to catch some of the run off with the plate. She then took the plate and her hand and shoved the pasta straight in Keri’s face. Keri was taken aback as the woman twisted the plate of pasta around in her face. The woman stood back and surveyed the situation. “I think her hair looks a lot better now,” she joked.



Finally, the old woman walked over and grabbed the last plate. This one was covered in sardines. “This will definitely improve her looks,” the woman teased. She walked over and proceeded to drop the sardines all over Keri’s hair. The brine and mess that they came in soaked her hair and poured down her face and the back of her neck. Keri’s hair was now covered in sardines. Her embarrassed face peering through the hole in the cardboard. The old woman took a bow and shook the host’s hand. She then took the opportunity to pose with the filthy actress she had just trashed. Although Keri had been humiliated at the hands of an old lady she still managed to force a smile.



She emerged from the cut out, wiping some of the mess away. The host looked at her and shrugged his shoulders. She looked at him. “What the hell is wrong with my hair?,” she shouted.

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