Lilith Fair part 3: Sheryl Crow
Everyone who had come to the show that day had gotten a special one of a kind treat, seeing some of their favourite singers getting messed before their very eyes. Fiona Apple and Jewel had been messed pretty good previously. The evening was getting on now and the night had fallen. There were not many acts left to perform, so everyone knew that the third messing would be coming very shortly. The acts who still had not performed were getting more and more nervous, as the possibility that it might be them getting messy increased as the show went further and further along. Some of the bigger, headline acts had yet to perform. They had always been most likely targets from the beginning. People like Alanis Morrisette and the organiser, Sarah Mcglaughlin still had their sets to come. Next up was Sheryl Crow. She stood at the stage entrance, holding her guitar, waiting to hear her fait. She was hoping against hope that she would be spared. All she could do was wait and see.
Finally, the announcer came on the loudspeaker. “Next up to perform is the one and only Sheryl Crow. More than that though, the question on everyone’s lips is whether or not she is one of our top three vote getters today. I can now reveal our results.” He paused. The tension grew. Sheryl closed her eyes and crossed her fingers. “Is Sheryl in the top three? I can now reveal that the answer is.. An emphatic…yes. Yes she is.” The audience cheered it’s approval. Sheryl bit her lip and gave a fake pout. She reluctantly walked on stage with her guitar to the applause of the crowd. She approached the microphone. “Was that for me or for the mess?,” she joked. Everyone was very intrigued to see what was going to happen to Sheryl Crow. They knew that it was going to be good. Sheryl was visibly nervous. Sheryl wore a brown vest with no sleeves and a black skirt with brown boots. Her tanned brown skin showing in all of the right places. Her skin shone in the lights of the night. She was beginning to perspire from a combination of embarrassment and heat from the warm evening, She could feels the beads of sweat forming on her hot tanned skin. Her hair, as usual was gorgeous. Even her hair was sexy. She felt very exposed by the situation. Hundreds of people were about to witness an incredibly embarrassing moment for her. “I feel like I’m naked up here,” she joked. Evidently, she had been very popular with the audience, because she had garnered the most votes. She could not believe that this was really going to happen to her. She instinctively would have liked to find a way out of this, but she knew that there was no way for her to escape this.
Sheryl was not too sure how she felt about getting humiliated in front of a stadium full of people. One thing was for sure, the people had voted to see Sheryl Crow getting covered in mess and that was exactly what they were about to witness. She was about to have god knows what poured on her head while the entire audience watched and laughed at her. “Well you all voted for me, because you wanted to see me get messy. Thanks a lot, I think,” Sheryl said sarcastically. She was given a stools that she sat down onto. She adjusted her skirt when she sat down, trying her best to not allow anyone to be able to see up her skirt as she sat down. She had not been told anything about what might be planned for her, so whatever was coming was going to come as a complete surprise to her. Of course, she had seen what had become of Fiona and Jewel earlier in the evening, so had a bit of an inkling about what might be in store for her. Sheryl had tried very hard to build a reputation as a credible recording artist. This was going to do nothing for that image. Little did Sheryl know that the leftover food from the food stands and the contents of the festival’s many overflowing trash cans were already being prepared just for her. This was going to prove a fantastic way to dispose of all of the spoiled food and waste that the concert goers had produced. Sheryl was going to be turned into a sort of human compost heap, so to speak.
“Is everybody ready?,” the voice on the loudspeaker boomed. The crowd cheered its approval. Sheryl shook her head and sheepishly said no. Ignoring what Sheryl had said, the voice kept on,” In that case it is trash time.” The audience began to chant the word trash. Sheryl began to squirm in her seat. She smiled nervously, still quite unaware of what was planned for her. She nervously adjusted her skirt and looked around behind her to see if anything was coming.
Sarah Mcglaughlin then came out on stage to the applause of the crowd. “Hi everyone,” she said,” As everyone knows, we at Lilith Fair are always fighting for the planet. We always try to keep green as much as possible. We would encourage everyone out there to reduce, reuse and recycle. With that in mind, our proceedings today are keeping very much in theme with that. You see, we have a lot of unsold food and stuff that would just be thrown away normally, as the tour is coming to an end. There is a lot of it that is spoiled so is no longer suitable for consumption. All of that would normally get thrown away. We at Lilith Fair will not allow of that food to be thrown out and to go to waste like that. Conveniently, we have found another, very good use for all of the expired and spoiled food. Isn’t that fantastic Sheryl?,” she asked. “Oh yeah, that’s marvellous,” Sheryl replied, smiling and rolling her eyes. “Do you know what we are going to do with all of that food Sheryl?” “I can have a pretty good guess,” Sheryl replied sarcastically. “Well, I can tell you. We are going to pour it all over Sheryl’s head.” The crowd erupted in a flurry laughter and applause. Sheryl screwed up her mouth, giving a worried look. She blushed and smiled. “What’s the matter Sheryl? You support recycling don’t you,” Sarah asked. “I do, but just not on my head,” Sheryl said, laughing. “Seriously though, I am begging you please don’t do this,” she pleaded. “Sorry, Sheryl, those are the rules,” Sarah said. “We want to treat you to a very special lunch courtesy of all of the fine food stalls that we have here at Lilith Fair. It will be a taste sensation for you, I am sure,” she teased. Sheryl looked up at her. She laughed and shook her head.
The buckets were already being brought into position. “As I have said, the contents of these buckets is all of the food that was going to be thrown away at the end of the festival. It is all spoiled. We would never waste perfectly good edible food here. It will be a veritable feast for Sheryl here. I hope that you are hungry,” she teased. The first bucket was brought out by one of the other acts. She stood next to Sheryl and showed her the bucket. Sheryl looked down and saw what was in the bucket. What she saw was a conglomeration of spoiled food. Baked beans, bits of hotdog, ketchup and mustard all slopped together in one bucket. It smelled atrocious. The hot sun did not do anything for the already spoiled food. Sheryl closed her eyes and gave a disgusted look. “That smells gross!!,” she expounded. Of course all this did was illicit laughs and whistles from the audience. “Ok, everyone, its lunch time,” Sarah shouted. Sheryl was about to have some of the most disgusting stuff she had ever seen in her life poured on her head. Sheryl begged the woman holding the bucket not to do this to her, but it was to little avail.
Sheryl put her hands together in front of her. She closed her eyes and scrunched up her face. The woman stood behind Sheryl and lifted the bucket up into the air. Sheryl’s face in a pained expression, every muscle in her body was contracting in anticipation. The woman tipped the bucket slightly. The leftover food began to roll out over the edge of the bucket downwards. Some of the larger lumps of food that were floating at the top of the bucket fell first. Bits of hot dog, beans and even bits of hot dog buns fell from the bucket and landed on Sheryl’s head. All covered in a mixture of disgusting substances. Large chunks of the food rolled down her face. Bits of hot dog and bun landed on her chest and on her lap. Sheryl then felt the sloppy splat as the speed of the mess increased. The disgusting saucy mixture of spoiled food splatted down onto her face. In an instant Sheryl felt the mess pouring down over her face. Sheryl’s could be seen laughing, shaking her head and talking to herself as the mixture of mess poured down over her tanned facial features. The sauce and beans poured straight down onto her face. Her nose, eyes and mouth were entirely covered in it. The woman pouring the mess was thoroughly enjoying the experience. She confidently poured the mess all over Sheryl Crow. The mess now made its way down Sheryl’s bare arms and over her chest. Her sexy, golden tanned skin now dripped in redish orange slop. Her upper arms were totally covered. The mess dripped down to her wrists. Her vest was stained with a tinge of the mess. Her breasts were totally coated. Her beautiful harm stayed relatively clean first, but soon was stuck with beans and hotdog bits, hanging from everywhere. She could now feel the mess pouring over her lap and all over her legs. The woman doing the pouring seemed to not want to leave any part of Sheryl clean. The messy mixture now poured down all over Sheryl’s thin, but muscular tanned legs. The red saucy mess soon covered her thighs and poured down over Sheryl’s famously sexy knees. Mess rolled down her calves and all over her boots. Everyone watching this was loving what they were witnessing. When the bucket was finally empty, the performer smacked her hand on the bottom to allow that bits that were stuck at the bottom, congealed in filth to fall onto her Sheryl. She then placed the bucket on Sheryl’s head. Sheryl sat there dripping in the spoiled mess from head to toe. She stomped her feet up and down. Her sexy legs jiggled in the mess that covered them. The bucket over hr head, so she could still see nothing. She felt like a fool. This was very embarrassing for her. Eventually Sarah re-emerged and lifted the bucket from Sheryl’s head. Sheryl gave a little scream. She screwed up her face and laughed. She shook her arms and hands, letting some of the mess roll down her fingers. Then ends of her hair still looked normal. Individual bits of mess fell everywhere from her body. She took her hand and wiped some of the mess from her nose. “It stinks!,” she shouted. She laughed. Her face soaked in the sloppy mess. She could feel the mess all over her body. She could feel it beneath her butt and legs on the seat. It was all over her body.
A second bucket was now produced. “Well, Sheryl will be pleased to know that our second bucket comes from an old down home style stall. The bucket is filled with mashed potatoes, gravy, carrots, peas, corn and some lovely chicken fried steak. All mashed together to make a delicious combination. How does that sound Sheryl?,” Sarah asked. Sheryl looked at her in disbelief. “Sounds just yummy,” Sheryl said sarcastically as she pulled a big of hot dog from her hair. “Mind you, it has been sitting backstage in the hot sun for the last few hours, so it probably has started to get a bit funky, but never mind, it is just perfect for what we are going to use it for. Bon appetite, Sheryl Crow.” Another one of Sheryl’s fellow artists took the bucket and got into position. She gave a massive smile to the fans. The fans cheered enthusiastically as she raised the bucket full of someone’s dinner. As she lifted it up, Sheryl lowered her head slightly and shut her eyes tightly. The singer began to pour the contents of the bucket down onto Sheryl. As the food began to make its way from the bucket, it made a disgusting plopping sound. Gravy ran out from the bucket first, hitting Sheryl in the face. Gravy ran down her face over her nose and between her eyes. It poured down her mouth. Sheryl was treated to the hideous taste of the thick rich brown gravy as it began to cover her face and arms. Bits of vegetables and meat now began to fall from the bucket and fall over Sheryl. All of it congealed in the sloppy, thick gravy. She closed her eyes so could only guess what she could feel falling down her face and chest. She could feel bits of the meat and vegetables rolling their way down her body. Some of the bits settled in various places on her body as they went. She could feel some of the larger bits collecting on her lap and in her cleavage. Finally, gigantic lumps of mashed potato fell from the bucket, soaked and congealed in thick gravy, everything tinged with brown. The mash fell in large blobs, landing on various parts of Sheryl’s body. When they hit her body the smushed apart. The mashed potatoes felt cold and starchy, unnatural against Sheryl’s incredibly sexy skin. Mash stuck all over Sheryl’s boots. She stomped her feet and wiggled her legs about. She rubbed her hands on her thighs and calves, smearing the sloppy mashed potatoes and gravy on her legs and boots. When the bucket was finally empty, she was left dripping in brown mess all over her body, distinguished only by the larger lumps of food that stuck onto various areas of her body. Sheryl looked up and laughed, soaked in gravy. She tried to flick some of the mess at the artist who had done the pouring. Instead, the woman walked away, smiling from ear to ear. She took a bow as she left the stage.
Sarah re-emerged. “Now, I know Sheryl here loves Italian food. So, our next bucket comes from the Italian stall. In it we have spaghetti, meatballs, cheese, sauce, pasta, I even think the salad is in there somewhere. All put together in such a nice package.” The bucket was brought out. When Sarah got a whiff of it, she shook her hand in front of her face and held her nose. “That really does stink,” she admitted. Everyone including Sheryl laughed. “Thanks for that,” Sheryl said sarcastically. She gave two thumbs up. She knew what was about to be coming her way. Another one of the performers was now took a hold of the bucket and got ready to let Sheryl have it. Sheryl took a deep breath in anticipation. “Get ready for some spaghetti,” Sarah shouted. Sheryl applauded and gave a fake laugh. “Very funny,” she mouthed. Sheryl barely had time to even get that out. By the time she was half way through the sentence, the bucket of Italian food was already being poured onto her. The disgusting slop fell from the bucket with a sloppy thud, landing on top of Sheryl’s head. What emerged was a revolting tangled mess of various types of pasta and spaghetti with meatballs, cheese and sauce. There was spiral pasta, rigatoni, ziti and even some ravioli mixed in. The smell was indeed nauseating and went off through the night air. The disgusting mess landed on top of Sheryl’s head first. A pile of the disgusting Italian food waste piled on top of Sheryl’s head and toppled down her face. The top of her head and half of her face was covered in amass of tangled pasta in disgusting sauce. More poured down over her face. She nearly gagged from the stench of the rancid spaghetti sauce. She grimaced as the mess poured over her face. More rolled down her body. Her shoulders and breasts were soon tangled in mess of sloppy Italian food. More rolled down her from and poured over her skirt and onto her legs. She could feel pasta and meatballs on her lap and between her legs. She could here people in the audience remarking about how disgusting that the spaghetti mess looked. It all felt cold and slimy. It was all sort of red and orange from the sauce all over the meatballs and pasta. Her face and body were smeared with pasta sauce. Sheryl was half covered in every type of pasta imaginable and twisted together in a putrid pile of mess. She opened her legs and allowed the pasta to fall in between before taking her hands and pushing some of the larger bits away. All she could do was give an embarrassed smile and laugh. She knew how she must look by this point. “It’s so gross,” she shouted.
“Now, hopefully this exercise will demonstrate the amount of food that we waste everyday in this country,” Sarah said, making her way back out to the stage. “We just waste so much food. So much just goes in the trash in this country. It is disgusting. With so many people in the world starving because there is not enough to eat. We will demonstrate this clearly now. Can the Dixie Chicks please comes out here,” she asked. The Dixie Chicks emerged with a large garbage can. “In this can that they are holding in nothing but food that people have thrown away today at the show. It all would normally go the dump. Now it will be dumped on Sheryl Crow as a symbol of the message that we are trying to get across.” “It’s a nice thought, but couldn’t you have thought of a better way to do this than to pour it over my head?,” Sheryl asked. “Nah, not really,” Sarah replied with a laugh. She then spurred the crowd on with the chant of “Trash, trash, trash.” The Dixie Chicks lifted the garbage can in the air and began to dump its contents onto Sheryl Crow. In the bucket was very manner of food waste imaginable. There was bits of half eaten hamburgers, squashed French fries, bits of fish and mouldy half eaten slices of pizza among other things. All of it was other people’s half eaten food. It was about to be poured all over Sheryl Crow. The Dixie Chicks lifted the trash can together and began to pour. Sheryl was hit by an avalanche of discarded, half eaten food. It rained down on her from above. She quickly wrapped her arms around herself as the mouldy food poured down onto her. For a minute, she could not even be seen under the mountain of food waste that was pouring down onto her. Bits of pizza crust, the remains of a hotdog with its bun, cotton candy and French fries were just some of the items that stuck to her body. The remains of a half eaten ice cream cone stuck to her head. Some of it was already thick with mould and slop. The stuff that covered her was so disgusting that it did not even do with thinking about. It covered her from head to toe.
Sarah walked back on stage. “Finally, we are going to urge everyone to recycle. Right now, we are going to be taking some of the trash that has been discarded today at the show and reusing it by pouring it over Sheryl here. It is all for a good cause.” “Yeah, everyone, so if you are walking down the street and you have a bit of garbage, don’t put it in the trash can, pour it over my head instead. Why not?,” Sheryl joked. “I won’t mind. Why not?,” she joked. Now all of the other artists, apart from Jewel and Fiona Apple emerged carrying a gigantic garbage can. Sarah then shouted,” Ladies, take out the trash.” The women raised the bucket over Sheryl. The audience gave a huge ovation. They all tipped the garbage can over Sheryl. Garbage began to pour from the bucket onto Sheryl. Sheryl could now testify the garbage was one hundred percent authentic. The stench was horrendous. The garbage had been sitting outside in the sun all day. There were even flies circling the garbage can. It wasn’t just food that was in the bucket, but every other kind of waste that you could think of. Some of it was rotting and only half recognisable. It was soaked in garbage water. The trash now poured onto Sheryl Crow. It was a fine demonstration of how much is thrown away and wasted all over the world. “From your trash cans to Sheryl’s head,” Sarah said. When the dust settled, Sheryl’s face emerged from the pile of trash. She wiped some of the trash from her face. She gave a pout like frown. She could feel garbage inside her clothes. She was soaked in garbage water. She stayed seated in her place. “Lets give her a round of applause. She was such a good sport. Sheryl Crow everyone,” Everyone gave her a huge round of applause.
As the remaining acts performed later in the evening, Sheryl was left to clean herself off backstage. The facilities were less than desirable. She spent the next few hours cleaning leftover food and garbage off of herself. She felt as though she smelt like the rubbish for a few weeks after that day. The smell and the feel of all of that discarded food and trash was something that would prove impossible to forget.
