Wednesday 18 December 2013

Leona Lewis twelve messes of Christmas

Leona Lewis twelve messes of Christmas

Leona Lewis was releasing a new Christmas themed album. The album included the Christmas single, One More Sleep. The promotion for the single and album was not going as well as it could have done. Her record company and agent tried to come up with new and novel ideas to promote the festive album. They didn't have many ideas other than appearing on the normal chat shows and performing on other shows. Somehow at one point, the record company got an idea for promoting the album. It was a bit crazy but it just might do the trick. Leona was also seen as a serious, ballad type singer. She was not thought of as a fun personality at all. Also, a lot of her fans were middle aged or older. She did not seem to hold much appeal for younger people. Her record company wanted to try to change that as well. The idea that they came up with was for Leona to appear on a children's television Christmas special. It was in the style of Stwnsh Sadwrn or Tiswas. Leona was vaguely aware of the show and the possibility that the end result would be that she would end up covered in crap. Her agent and the record company, however, had no doubt that that would be exactly what was going to happen. They had agreed that it would happen in advance, although they did not tell Leona that.


Leona arrived at the studio that day. She was dressed in a loud. tasteless holiday jumper and jeans. The set was all decorated for Christmas and all of the other people who were going to be on the show were dressed with hideous holiday jumpers as well. The whole show was very over the top and incredibly corny. Leona could not really believe that her agent and record company would have chosen to put her on a show such as this. People watching at home could barely believe it either. the show was a very silly kids show. They spent a lot of the time when she was on screen poking fun at her serious and stuffy image.


She looked decidedly uncomfortable throughout the show and slightly embarrassed to be there. She really had never done anything like this before. Her career had gone brilliantly from the outset, so she had very little need to appear on any kind of show like this one. To say that she was out of her comfort zone was putting it mildly. She knew that she was being laughed at. She was just hoping that not too many people that she knew would be watching this at home. It was a kid's show, so maybe there was a chance.


She was not used to acting the fool. Leona was sat in a seat that was shaped to look like a Christmas throne. One that a mall Santa would have sat in. One of the usual presenters on the show was dressed like Santa Claus. He came out and said to Leona," Well Leona, you have this wonderful new Christmas song coming out. It really is fantastic, but we have our own little special Christmas song that we wrote just for you Leona. Would you like to hear it?," he asked. " Um, well, yeah sure, I guess so," she said. She wondered what he meant. She was a bit worried. It sounded ominous. "Ok then, here we go," he said.

They all began to sing. This included the presenter dressed as Santa, another dressed as a snowman and a few others dressed as elves. They began to sing. They sang," On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me. Twelve cream pies." "twelve cream pies ?!?," Leona thought. With that, the twelve elves emerged carrying pies.  They all ran towards Leona. " Wait, no, what is this? What are you doing?," she said. They ran towards her with the pies. One after the other, tehy rushed at her and smashed pies into her face and body. She raised her arms and legs and shrieked and laughed. They pelted her from head to toe with the pies. They then ran off. She sat in the throne, laughing and giggling. She was covered in creamy pie filling. She removed some of the pie from her hair with her hands. She shook her head.

they continued," Eleven strands of tinsel." Again the elves emerged. They were carrying buckets fill of tinsel. They ran towards her with them. They threw the tinsel at her. They threw it right in her face. She squealed as it was flung at her. It stuck to her pie covered body and clothing. It stuck all over her. They continued. "Ten mince pies." More elves emerged carrying large mince pies covered in custard. They may or may not have been real mince pies. The elves ran at her and pushed the mince pies one by one into Leona Lewis' face. They had hard pastry and were filled with mincemeat. They pushed them into her face roughly once after another, smashing them to bits in her face, leaving her face and hair stuck with sticky mincemeat and crumbling pastry. They then ran off.


She knew that there were nine more things to come. She was dreading to guess what they might be. They began again. "Nine Christmas crackers." Nine more elves emerged with Christmas crackers. They ran towards Leona and then, one by one pulled their crackers. They exploded on her, one by one, leaving the string, jokes and confetti that was held inside, spraying all over Leona. It stuck all over her. When the final one was pulled, the last elf took one of the paper hats from one of the crackers and placed it, comically on Leona's head, mocking her.

They began again. "Eight feet of snow." Again, the elves emerged. They carried buckets again. This time they were filled with fake snow. It was made out of a foamy substance.  They danced at her and then went behind her. They held the buckets over her at teh same time. Then, all at once,  they tipped their buckets over onto Leona, creating a mini snow storm. The foamy white mess snowed down on her from above. It was cold and wet and poured down over her front and down the back of her neck. She shivered as she was soaked in the fake snow. They then started again. "Seven prawn cocktails." Seven elves emerged carrying small prawn cocktails in cocktail glasses.They mimed as if to look snotty and posh. Each one slowly walked towards Leona and, one by one, dumped their prawn cocktails over her head. They were huge king prawns covered in orange cocktail sauce. Soon, Leona's face was covered in prawns and dripping with cocktail sauce.

"Six buckets of glitter." Again, eves emerged carrying buckets. In them this time was red and green Christmas glitter. It was in the shape of Christmas trees and other holiday shapes. This time, they stood behind her again and in unison poured the glitter down on her as they had done with the snow. They then continued. "Five glasses of egg nog." Five elves came forward each carrying an enormous glass of thick yellow egg nog. Leona curled up her nose. One by one they approached. they looked at her, held the glass over her head and then tipped it all the way over, sending the egg nog straight down over her face and hair. She gave a startled look as the five were poured on her. They coated her hair and face. She licked her lips and shook her head. Her sweater was soaked in the thick egg nog.


They continued, by now she was just hoping to get this over and down with. " Four reindeer droppings." "What?," she said to herself. They were not really reindeer droppings but raisins and chocolate made to look like reindeer dropping. Four crew members dressed like reindeer, with fake antlers, emerged with soup ladles. They each walked up to her. Each one stopped and dropped the contents of their ladles onto her. The first went onto her head, the next two onto her body and the final one onto her nose and face. They then trotted off as the song continued. "Three buckets of vegetables." Three elves came out with buckets filled with Brussels sprouts, roast potatoes, parsnips, broccoli and carrots all covered in gravy. They stood in front of her and swung the buckets at her three times before letting go, sending the vegetables flying at her. They poured onto her, filling her hands and lap with piles of the stuff.

"Two roast turkeys." The turkeys were in bits in buckets and covered in gravy as well. Bits looked like turkey salad, but their was also turkey legs, gizzards and skin in it as well. "With stuffing," they added. This time, one elf tipped their bucket onto Leona's torso while the other placed theirs onto her head. They pushed them down hard, sending the turkey contents splattering down her face and all over her body. Her face was matted and slathered in turkey parts and gravy. The turkey looked gross and smelled even worse. Leona gagged as she felt and smelled the turkey all over her face and hair.


'And a giant Christmas pudding with brandy butter." Santa then took a gigantic family sized Christmas pudding and placed it on top of Leona Lewis' head.  Bits rolled down her face and into her mouth. Giant mouthfuls of the Christmas pudding fell from her mouth. The majority of it stuck in place on the top of her head. It was traditional Christmas pudding and was very real. He then took a gravy boat shaped container full of thick white brandy butter and gently tipped it over her head. The camera zoomed in as the brandy butter poured over the Christmas pudding covered head of Leona Lewis. It coated her face and hair. She held her hands out in front of her as he poured it down over her. She never thought Santa Claus would be serving her Christmas pudding in this way.

The presenters said Merry Christmas and signed the show off. Leona would never look at Christmas the same way again. This appearance, ironically, would get much more attention than her Christmas album, albeit for the wrong reasons.

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