Andrea Mclean, not so clean anymore

Andrea Mclean, not so clean anymore

Andrea Mclean was best known for being on Loose Women. She and the other women on the show had a great relationship with one another they were always playing pranks and joking with one another. The time of year came around when it was time for Comic Relief. The ladies thought that they could have something on the show to raise some money for it. They all sat in a production meeting and discussed the possibilities. Someone suggested that gungings, bean baths, pies in the face etc. were all very popular. Not everyone was amused, but enough people liked the idea that it was agreed upon. They agreed that there would be a public vote. There would be a phone line. Members of the public could call in for the person that they most wanted to see get messy. They would pay one pound for each vote and could call in as much as they wished. All of the money would go straight to charity.

The shows other main anchors were Ruth Langsford, Kaye Adams and Carol Vorderman. These four were up for the vote. Andrea was by far the most attractive, so she was in the most jeopardy. All week the numbers were shown at different times during the airing of the show, encouraging viewers to vote and to donate. Each of the ladies pleaded their case why they should not be the person who ended up in the mess. All of them really wanting to see it happen to one of their fellow panellists. Luckily, loads of votes came in and a ton of money was raised for charity.

The mess was going to happen on Friday’s show, as was customary for Comic Relief events. Finally it was time for the results to be revealed. One of the regular panellists read out the results. “Ok, coming in fourth was, Kaye.” Kaye smiled and wiped her brow looking relieved. “In third place and also safe is, Carol.” Carol put her hands behind her back, breathing a sigh of relief. Ruth and Andrea began to look more and more worried. “So the two with the most votes are Ruth and Andrea, but who will be getting the muck?” The two were shown looking very nervous. Andrea was biting her nails. She looked like a ball of nerves. She was bright red and sweaty already. “ Well, I can now reveal that the person with the most votes and the one who is going to get trashed is…,” she paused as the tension built up more and more.” The person is… Andrea.” The studio erupted in fits of laughter. Andrea was beat red. She was so embarrassed. She buried her face in her hands, laughing.” Her fellow panellists celebrated. They were so glad it was going to be her.

She was asked to stand up and walk over to the area set up in front of the stage. She wore a dark blue button down shirt and black trousers. She was lead over to a paddling pool that was set up on the stage. She walked over and stood on it and then sat down in it Indian style. She looked back behind her and laughed. She felt so embarrassed. “So, thank you to everyone for voting. You are about to be rewarded big time. Andrea is going to get totally trashed. Any final words before we do this, Andrea?” “Why me? I hope you all enjoy this very much. You are lucky this is for charity. I am going to get revenge on you all though, some way, somehow,” she jokingly threatened. “Well, this is going to happen and it is going to get very messy, I can promise you that.” Andrea looked up. She screwed up her face and laughed. “I can’t believe this is really happening,” she said.

Kaye started. She carried over a bucket filled with lentil soup. It looked atrocious. It was a nauseating brown colour. It was filled with ham, vegetables and lentils. The smell of it was quite strong. She smiled widely as she approached Andrea. Andrea braced herself for what was about to happen. She lowered her head and screwed up her face, closing her eyes. She put her hands on either side of her neck. She clutched her shirt. Kaye began to pour the lentil soup over Andrea’s head. It poured on the top of her head and then down her neck, slithering down her shirt and down her body. More poured down onto her back and then down over her face. Although her head was down, it could not save her face from getting covered in the soup. She giggled the whole time. More poured down her cheeks and then over her body, onto her trousers and onto her legs. She could feel more pouring down her back as well. It was very thick and very sloppy. Kaye moved the bucket back and forth across Andrea’s body, generously dumping the lentils over her body in its entirety. When the bucket was finally empty, Andrea looked back laughing. Her face was irregularly covered in the sloppy brown mess. It looked quite gross to the others. Andrea stuck her tongue out. She was totally focused on the smell and the feel of the sloppy mess that she had all over her.

Next it was Carol’s turn. Carol carried over a bucket of sloppy oatmeal.  It was a very heavy bucket, if anything, it was even more sloppy and thick than the lentil soup had been. Carol laughed as she approached. Andrea made a funny face, opening her mouth wide as the oatmeal began to be poured straight down over her. The oatmeal splattered down upon her. It first covered the sides of her face and hair then the back of her head, before starting to cover the front of her face and pouring down her front, all over her neck, shoulders and then plopping down onto her shirt. Huge portions also fell inside her shirt. It was already getting full. She could feel it against her bra and her skin. Her shirt bulging, almost bursting at its seams. The oatmeal then poured onto her trousers, making an impression that would last forever upon them. Oatmeal covered her trousers and fell between her legs, collecting in her crotch. When she leaned forward a bit, oatmeal poured down the small of her back and down the back of her trousers, down her butt crack, over and inside of her panties. Andrea could not deny the fact that the feel of oatmeal inside her underwear was resulting in them getting a bit more damp than she would ever have admitted to. She just squealed with laughter as she tried to scoop up as much as she could and push it off of herself.

Ruth was next. She carried with her a massive black forest gateau. It was covered in sloppy cherries, whipped cream and chocolate sauce. It was absolutely gigantic. Ruth casually walked over, carrying it with her. She brought it forward and pushed it straight into Andrea’s face. She then pushed it upwards onto the top of her head. She moved it to the top of her head and then let go. She left it there. It looked like some sort of bizarre crown that she was wearing. Andrea looked up, blushing, thinking how ridiculous she must look at that moment. She shook her head in disbelief.

After that, a few of the regulars on the show got to have their turn.  It was now Coleen Nolan’s turn. Coleen carried a large shepherd’s pie with her. It was filled with minced lamb, gravy, peas, mashed potato and cheese. It was in a massive baking dish. Coleen laughed wickedly as she approached. She posed next to Andrea holding the baking dish, smiling widely. She then comically turned the dish over and then pushed it up into Andrea’s face. Andrea’s face was soon packed with mash. Her face was covered in potato and mince. The gravy dripped everywhere. She gasped and moaned, after being served the shepherd’s pie. Mince fell from her mouth. “How did you like my freshly made pie?,” Coleen asked. “ It was disgusting,” Andrea spat back. She tried flinging a handful of mince at her as well.

Finally it was Natalie Sawalha’s turn. She had with her what was known as motor paneer. It was a curry filled with peas and cottage cheese. She had a massive smile on her face. She lifted the container in the air over the already trashed Andrea and began to pour it over her. It was yellow and green in colour. Andrea moved her mouth around making a disgusted face as she felt the side dish plopping onto her. It poured down over her wildly. The cheese was in chunks and the peas soon covered her face. It was totally engrossing. She flapped her arms and ran one hand through her totally messed up hair. She laughed and shook her head looking totally embarrassed.

“So there we have it. Thanks to everyone who voted and donated. We hope you enjoyed seeing Andrea trashed as much as we did. She has been very kind to go along with this. We all loved it and I am sure you did as well. I bet her family, watching at home loved it as well.” Andrea’s eyes widened, realising all of her friends and family would be watching this. “I’ll never live this down,” she said. On Monday there was a huge six foot high picture of Andrea covered in mess behind the desk. It would remain there for a long time afterwards. It was always an embarrassing reminder of that night for her.