Laura Whitmore wants your donations

Laura Whitmore wants your donations

Laura Whitmore was not a major celebrity, but she did interview a lot of major celebrities. Her crowning glory was an incredibly sexy voice. Her accent was absolutely incredible. She was always up for a laugh and a good time. One of the shows that she worked on regularly was making a big effort to raise money for charity. On day on air, Laura made the mistake of saying that she was willing to do almost anything to make sure that a large amount of money was raised for the charity. The other presenters called her on this and the result was that she agreed to get messy if a certain amount of money was raised by the end of the following week. She felt passionate about the cause and really was willing to do this in order to ensure that all of the money was raised.

She recorded promos that were aired throughout the week. They all went along the lines of this. “Hi, I am Laura Whitmore. I want all of you to donate as much as you can to this charity. It is such a good cause. On top of that, as an extra bonus, if the target is met, I will end up getting gunged. It’s going to be great. Please call the number on your screen to donate and tune in on Friday to see if I am going to be gunged or not. “ 

The day finally arrived of the show. Laura wore a light pink dress and a pair of black boots with frilly white socks. She knew that she might be getting totally trashed today. She sort of hoped that that would be happening because it would mean that the charity would have all of the money that it needed. She was doing all she could to actively encourage people to donate as much as they could. Finally, the time arrived to announce how much money was raised. Laura stood in the studio with the other presenters. Behind them was a big screen where the totals would be shown. “Ok, it is the moment that everyone has been waiting for. It’s time to reveal how much money was raised for our charity. It is also time to see if Laura will be getting messy or not. Ok here we go, can we please reveal our totals.” Everyone had their fingers crossed. There was a pause. Finally the total flashed up on the screen. The total raised was nearly double the target. Everyone jumped up and down and celebrated. Confetti fell from the ceiling.

“That is fantastic. I am so happy. You guys did it. Thank you so much. This money will have a profound effect on the lives of so many less fortunate ones out there. As a result though, it is time for me to get totally trashed,” Laura said. Laura walked over to a special chair that was set up. It was a bit like a throne and a bit like the pie pod. She sat down in it and her arms were strapped in. There was a seatbelt that she fastened around her waist. She smiled and waved. “I am so ready for this. I am about to get nailed. I hope you all enjoy this,” she said enthusiastically.  The chair seemed to have a variety of mechanisms set up around it. She gave two thumbs up and everything was ready to go.

The machines then did what they were designed to do. A pie was launched at Laura’s face from the left side and was soon followed by one from the right side. They flung through the air and both landed on opposite sides of Laura’s face. There was a muffled umph as they hit. The landed with great impact, sending waves of cream over her hand and down to her neck. The pie plates stuck in place, overlapping on either side of her face. They stayed there until a third pie came at her straight on. It hit her face dead on with great impact. It knocked all three pie plates from her face. A third pie fell from above and landed on the top of her head. Another flung at her and landed straight onto her chest with a thud. Her face and chest were covered in pie already.

Just then three tubes emerged around the chair. In an instant jets of green slime exploded from the ends of the tube. It was aimed squarely at Laura. It was as if people were aiming three powerful garden hoses at her with special power heads. The streams of slime flew at Laura. She laughed and raised her hands as her head and body were sprayed with the green slime. Three more tubes emerged, out of these three emerged a more creamy foam like substance. It was light blue and light pink in colour. It was a little bit like silly string. She was hit with blasts from these. The spray was not as strong as the slime, but had a higher trajectory, so covered more of her body in was more dispersed at the same time. 

All of this continued as a bucket of purple gunge that was perched above her head tipped over, causing its contents to dump straight down onto Laura’s head. She laughed and squealed, still being sprayed with the other jets as all of this was happening. After that, two more buckets of gunge on either side of her flung her way, unloading blue and red gunge up at an angle at her body. The chair then began to rotate. As it rotated, small plates of gunge, very much like those used on Stwnsh ar y ffordd began to be flung at her from mechanised catapults, coming from all directions. The gunge was very much Stwnsh like as well. It was thick and glopping, much less viscous than the purple gunge from earlier. The plate flung at her from all directions as she spun around. They went flying in every direction, bouncing off of her body as they connected, leaving thick orange and blue gunge all over her body.

The chair then stopped rotating, when it did, thick foam began to rise from below as if she was in a Noel’s roadshow type of gunge booth. It slowly rose higher and higher, stopping as it reached her lap.  The chair then tilted backwards further and further until she was facing the ceiling, almost on her back. The foamy mess below getting slightly higher. Now, pies were dropped from the ceiling. They strategically fell onto her body in strategic locations. They landed up and down her body, dispersing the pies evenly across her body. She could only look up and watch them dropping from above. Her body wiggled and trembled helplessly as the messy pies fell onto her body.

Next mechanical arms emerged carrying what appeared to be cake decorating items. They reached out over her body. There were five or six of these. They then began to squeeze tubes of frosting out onto her. They moved around on her body, making frizzy patterns as they went. The colour of the frosting was pink and blue green. She looked up as they decorated her face. They crudely drew on her body with the frosting. All the while there were beeps and buzzes coming from everywhere on the machine.

The arms and the tubes then withdrew back. The chair reclined forward into its original position, lifting Laura back into place. As a final touch the machine pushed a pot of Irish stew forward towards her. It stopped at her lap and then flung forward at her, sending the Irish stew splashing all over her. It then was pulled away. All of the beeps and buzzes ceased now, indicating that it was all over. “Well, that was so much fun, I loved it,” said a dishevelled Laura. “ I think I am making quite the fashion statement,” she joked. She was covered from head to toe in the sloppy mess. “I hope that you enjoyed that as much as I did. It really was grand. A wee gunging never hurt anyone. Thanks again for your generous donations. We all really appreciate it. I better go get cleaned up now. Cheers.”

I just had to include this video. In it Laura is with Ellie Goulding. Laura addresses the fact that Ellie apparently requested a gurthy cucumber as one of the things she needed backstage. It is basically suggested that Ellie Goulding is using vegetables to play with herself it is a bit strange. It is amazing she isn't more embarrassed.