Recently I was contacted and asked if I would post stories written by a person called KAgunge.I have agreed to post them. There are two below. I can not take any of the credit for them. Many thanks.
Recently I was contacted and asked if I would post stories written by a person called KAgunge.I have agreed to post them. There are two below. I can not take any of the credit for them. Many thanks.
Gunge or Glory - Luisa Omielan
Sound of the Crowd was a late night entertainment show on E4 aimed at the “yoof” demographic where the studio audience would vote and decide on various parts of the show. One of the stands on the show was called “Gunge or Glory”. The premise of Gunge or Glory was that two performers would go head-to-head against each other and the audience decide who they want to save from getting a thorough gunging.
The set of Sound of the Crowd has a very shiny black floor, bright red studio lights and a studio audience of about 200 people.
The presenter, Alex Delaney – a prototypical squeaky voiced mop-headed 20 something in a red checked shirt, skinny jeans and trendy white trainers addresses the studio audience after a segment of the show where the audience has just voted that a grown man should eat a worm sandwich, as you could imagine Sound of the Crowd is a show desperate to shock and offend.
“Now we come to the part of the show where you get to decide the fate of someone’s diginity – That’s right – it’s time for GUNGE OR GLORY! Now let’s bring out our contestants. Please welcome Adam Armstrong and Luisa Omielan”
Both contestants walk out Adam Armstrong must be about 26 and is dressed in a bola hat covering his long blonde hair and a waistcoat and skinny jeans combo and he is very handsome and chiselled with designer stubble. Luisa is wearing leopard print tights and a black belly top exposing her curvy midriff and she is wearing blue eyeshadow.
“So we’ve seen this before, but for those of you who don’t know these two are about to perform for you and when they a finished you are going to vote for who you want to SAVE from getting the gunging of a lifetime in our dreaded gunge car wash.”
The camera zooms in on the car wash and it is very similar to the Noel’s House Party car wash, but the chair which the losing recipient sits on is a toilet presumably in order to make it more humiliating.
“Ladies and gentleman please welcome Adam Armstrong”
Adam Armstrong is a singer-songwriter who probably thinks as himself as a one of a kind musical messiah when actually his music sounds almost exactly the same as all the other piano singer-songwriters that are played through the airwaves of Radio 1 such as Tom Odell and is enjoyed by the aforementioned “yoof” demographic. He does however play his song “Concrete River” with much sincerity and heart – almost as if he forgot that he was on a vulgar late-night E4 show and believed him self to be performing for royalty at the Royal Albert Hall or in front of thousands at the O2 Arena instead of 200 young people who applied for a free ticket to a television recording. He finishes his song and the audience applaud wildly.
The camera diverts the attention back to Alex who introduces Luisa.
“Now, the lady who wants to convince you to keep her clean; It’s Luisa Omielan…”
Luisa Omielan is quite a confident stand-up comedian and seems quite aware of her attractiveness. Her long dyed blonde hair is shoulder length with black eyebrows to contrast and she is wearing blue eye shadow to complement her attractive face. Her routine is almost exactly identical to the one in this video
She addresses the audience as “Ladies” and “bitches” a lot as in “Am I right bitches?” and she almost swaggers round the studio floor and part of her routine is to strip off and expose that sexy curvy body which she does and not only does she pull her tights down, but she actually takes her top of as well showing her fairly impressive breasts only covered by a black bra and her lower half by a pair of black knickers.
The audience laughs throughout her performance and applauds as she finishes.
The camera focuses on Alex again as he stands in front of the gunge car wash.
“Now it’s time for the moment of truth. Who do you want to save from the gunge?”
We then see Adam and Luisa standing next to each other. Adam looks like he just doesn’t care what happens and Luisa who is still only wearing a black bra and knickers puts her hands close to hr face and smiles nervously.
“To save Adam press A and to save Luisa press B”
The audience is shown pressing some handsets.
Alex reveals the results.
“Well, I can reveal that 86% of our studio audience has voted to save Adam meaning it’s a landslide and Luisa is going to be gunged”
Luisa then puts her hands over her mouth the squeals and giggles.
The results shouldn’t be too surprising. Who were they going to save; the chiselled sincere singer-song writer who performs the sort of populist BBC Radio 1 pap that people seem to eat up or the overly-confident and cocky comedian who stripped and only seemed like the perfect fit for a gunging, but still 86% of the audience is quite a lot people.
“Oh my days bitches, why would you do this to this to me?” laughs Luisa.
Alex then takes her by the arm and sits her down on the car wash toilet. Luisa looks vulnerable, but sexy. Her insanely hot and almost naked body shines under the studio lights and she laughs and looks rather cute while doing so.
“So Luisa, how are you feeling right about now?” asks Alex
“Oh my god! I’m gonna get gunged!” Luisa says in a rather high pitched tone.
“To be honest with you though I think my boyfriend has covered me in more gunge than this probably will in the bedroom. Do you hear me ladies?”
The Audience erupts in laughter at her blue joke.
“Well there’s nothing left to do other then show Luisa the gunge. Gunge this is Luisa and Luisa this is the gunge”
Alex then pulls a lever and the car wash seat turns around and jaunts forward. Luisa then goes through the big car wash brushes messing up some of that lovely wavy died blonde hair. Luisa then shows of her dimples with a sexy laugh and then she pulls a rather cocky face embracing what is about to happen – she pulls this face for about two seconds until a heavy stream of thick bright pink opaque gunge splashes down causing the umbrella effect over Luisa. We hear the most bellowing “AAGGHHHH!” as this happens. We could not see Luisa, she was no longer a semi-nude clean woman and she was now reduced to a glossy dome of hot pink gunge and it almost looks still and not moving until Luisa puts her hands under the dome of gunge which streams though her fingers. She then makes the mistake of trying to wipe her face and of course this just means that she smears pink gunge all over her pretty and adorable face covering her forehead, cheeks and nose and you can see her laughing with joy and elation as this happens. You can see that her sexy shoulders and arms are also completely covered in pink gunk. Another gunge dome forms, but it ends after Luisa slicks her gunge coated hair back and this then causes the gunge to turn to a stream and then run right down her face enveloping it completely to the point where the only recognisably feature on her face is the bump of her nose. She the tries to wipe the gunge from her eyes but it keeps streaming. The gunge then streams down into her boobs and down to her sexy slightly chubby belly covering them both fully. The gunge then stops and Luisa’s chair is bought forward and turns around and to face the audience. Her sexy body is almost completely covered in gunge including those legs – her almost bare lap is a pit of pink gunge meaning her thighs are completely coated. She then wipes her face and laughs. She then sexually rubs the gunge into her almost nude body smearing it in all over her breasts, belly and legs and them blows a gungey kiss to the camera.
Alex then walks over to her with a microphone.
“So how was that Luisa? Do you feel like Beyonce now?”
Luisa then gives a high pitched giggle while slicking her hair back tightly – her forehead and cheeks are fully coated and there is a blob of pink on her nose.
“I think I still look stunning bitches. Am I right?”
Alex then turns smug.
“Now Luisa I do have a confession”
Luisa looks nervously intrigued.
“Were not actually finished yet…would you like to see Luisa get gunged again”
Luisa becomes genuinely terrified and puts her hands over her gaping mouth.
“No no no oh no please I’m already completely covered”
“If you want to see Luisa gunged again press A if you don’t press B”
The audience are once again seen voting.
Well the results are in and I can reveal the 100% would like to see you get gunged again?
Luisa then screams “No please no!”
It becomes obvious that Luisa genuinely has no idea that there would be more gunge and seems genuinely scared about it and the fact that 100% or a 200 person audience want to see her humiliated again is a hard pill to swallow.
The gunge is then realised once again and this time the gunge is pure white and is thick and once again forms a dome, but this time the dome isn’t still and dances around rippling and spinning all over the beautiful and funny victim and as she had already slicked her hair back the dome stops and becomes a stream once again plastering her face. She then tries to rub the gunge off her cheeks revealing the tanned skin on the face, but it just keeps getting covered again. She then gasps for air and then the gunge continues to stream once again making the bump on her nose the only recognisable part of her face. The goo once again streams down onto her breasts and chest and on to her lap and this time she rubs the gunge into herself while it is still falling on her and allowing it to cover her face. The gunging then slowly stops. She then slicks her hair back tightly behind her ears like a ponytail and laughs it off as she wipes her face down with her blue eye shadow mixing with the gunk.
Alex then returns.
“How was that Luisa?”
“Well now I feel more like Friday night with my boyfriend. Am I right bitches?” she says referencing the white stuff all over her face and body.
You can see that her whole body is coated with white and pink and that some of it has mixed together creating a lighter shade of pink.
Alex then begins the next segment of the show and walks away from Luisa who just sits there covered in gunge and wiping herself down with her hands.
It was an odd feeling for Luisa as she sat under the lights covered in gunge as despite her rather erratic stand up routine she had never been humiliated like this before, but she did clearly enjoy herself and liked the feeling of the thick gunge and embraced her national humiliation unlike many others, but it was still the most humiliating moment of her life and all of her family and friends were going to see it and it would be immortalised on Youtube.
A stage-hand then walks over to her to take her to the studio shower where she can clean herself up properly and think about the whole ordeal just a bit more clearly.
THE BUNKER – WWE DIVA LAYLA
The Bunker was an Saturday morning kids show on CBBC about a man named Jamie who has decided to live in a bunker under the ground and reject the “The upstairs world”. Every week in a segment of the show a celebrity guest will come down to the bunker and speak to Jamie in an attempt to convince him that the “above world” really isn’t so bad and he’s missing out by hiding under the ground, however the only way you can even try to convince Jamie is my sitting in an unfortunate place with plenty of jeopardy.
The segment begins with Jamie who is an archetypal looking 27 year old children’s television presenter. Jamie is wearing blue and red stripy pyjamas and a navy blue dressing gown over the top of it and is wearing big comical pink rabbit slippers.
The Bunkers set uses dark shades of black and grey with big industrial and factory-like pipes surrounding the set.
Jamie addresses the TV audience in a very faux sombre manner.
“Oh hi there you from the upstairs world how are you? Hmm I’m okay, but I have to admit as much as I love it here down the bunker it can get incredibly lonely.
A phone-like ring is heard and Jamie’s back goes straight with excitement.
“Oh someone form the upstairs world is coming down! Oh I wonder who it could be.”
The celebrity guest was on a normal episode fairly underwhelming even for children. It was usually just someone from another CBBC show, a reality star, a soap star or a twee pop singer that hasn’t even had a noticeable hit and sings autotuned rubbish, but every now and then the producers would get lucky with their booking and manage to find a guest that is actually recognisable, but still content with the nature of the program and this was going to be one of those guests.
Jamie then walks over to a set of automatic doors that are designed to look like they are heavy and made of metal. The doors then open in a machine like manner sliding outwards. We are then welcomed to the image of WWE Diva Layla standing there looking comically bemused. Layla is wearing her long black hair straight with a side fringe that sways to the right and assimilates wonderfully with her long hair and she is wearing a black vest top and quite a bit of black eyeliner. Layla then steps out from behind the doors and walks out into the studio to reveal that she is wearing silver very short-shorts exposing those sexy toned dancer’s legs. Her light brown mixed-race skin glistens under the studio lights. Her shoulders, arms legs and her gorgeous face all shine radiantly. She is also wearing wrestling boots up to the knee meaning her sexy thighs are completely on show.
Jamie addresses Layla in a military-like fashion.
“Please state your name and occupation?”
“Layla and I’m a WWE Diva”
“Don’t you have a second name?”
Jamie responds in an irritating overblown kid’s presenter manner.
“No just Layla”
Layla then giggles in an excitable fashion.
“Now I bet you’re here to try and convince me to come up to your world, but it isn’t gonna happen buster!”
“Oh but you must come” Replies Layla is that lovely slightly Americanised English accent.
“Why should I do that?” replies Jamie
“Because WWE are going on tour in November and you can’t miss it darling”
Layla had essentially been sent down to promote WWE’s tour of the UK shamelessly on Saturday morning television on the BBC by the questionable company that employees her and knew that she would be a perfect match due to her friendly and excitable personality and the fact that she is British and has stunning good-looks and was also not involved in any important storylines so therefore missing time would not prove detrimental for the company’s primary content.
“That sounds pretty good – I have to say”
“Everyone will be there darling including me and I’ll blow you a kiss from the ring”
“Okay sounds good! Where’s my free ticket! I’m going up!” Jamie says with much enthusiasm.
“Oh, I wasn’t given one darling. You’ll have to pay”
“But I don’t have any money. I spent it all on this bunker.”
“You could get a job. I think you would make an excellent model” Layla replies in a very flirty manner.
“Well I can see that you want me to come up to the above world with you and I might…but…”
Jamie teases in a prolonged and snidely fashion.
There is one condition before I make any concrete decisions.
Layla then laughs nervously placing her hands over her mouth knowing full well what’s coming.
I have one rule that is you have to convince me above the B.G.D: The Bunker Gunker Dunker!
Layla audibly giggles with a mixture of nerves and excitement.
The camera the zooms in to Jamie menacing laughing face.
A graphic then covers the screen with a grey background and “Bunker Gunger Dunker over the top of it in a dark green splat font. The graphic then melts off the screen with a drip effect and we see the BGD in all of it’s glory.
The BGD itself is very much the same as the Get Your Own Back Gunk Dunk but it’s made to look like it has wooden panels on the outside perhaps to give the impression that Jamie had made it himself. Much like the GYOB Gunk Dunk there is a ramp and at the very bottom of that ramp is a now nervous looking Layla with her wide eyes staring into the unpleasant and thick kelly-green gunge with “BGD” written in some white slime which fills the vat below her. Layla has also taken the precaution of removing her boots and now her coffee colour legs are on full display and her feet are bare. Layla then anxiously tucks some of her thick hair behind her right ear.
Jamie then explains the premise to Layla and the audience.
“So here we are at my gunker and as you can see we have the lovely Layla resting above it”
Layla gives a big nervous smile perhaps suggesting that she is fully aware of the humiliation that awaits her and is perhaps looking forward to it, scared but exited much like the anticipation that you get when you first take your seat on a scary theme park ride and you realise just what you’ve got yourself into.
“So I’m going to give you one whole minute to tell me about yourself without using this word”
The word “Champion” is shown on the screen in a generic white font.
As the word is shown on the corner of the screen we are treated to Layla speculatively peering down at the gunge almost as if she was counting the atoms in the vat.
“Now you have no idea what that word is do you?”
Layla’s voice goes high pitched with nerves
“But Layla, if you say that word then this siren is going to go off and that means you have failed my challenge and you will be plopped into my slop. Okay?”
With Jamie’s “okay” being inexplicably patronising Layla then scrunches her ridiculously pretty face up and begins to giggle.
“But first I think you look a bit too confident sitting all the way down there. No if you’re going in then I’m gonna make sure you go in from a height”
Jamie pushes a red button and Layla slowly rises up the ramp with her eyes focusing on the vat below her and her hands on her bare legs.
“Up you go”
Layla then reaches the top and her seat jaunts causing her to momentarily lose her balance. She then looks down at her toned shiny legs with a realisation of her upcoming doom like she has reached the top of a 85.8 ft theme park ride and was about to be dropped when really she was just a few meters away from a pool full of a thick ominous liquid.
“Are you ready Layla?” asks Jamie
“As ready as I’ll ever be” Layla responds in an uncharacteristically sheepish tone.
“You’re time starts….Now!
The camera zooms in on Layla and she begins speaking in a booming voice.
“Okay okay…um so I was born in London and I was a dancer for Miami Heat and made my debut in the WWE when I won the Diva Search in 2006 and have been wrestling for 9 years. I am also a former Women’s Champion and a…”
The siren then blares in an unsoundly manner and Layla’s sexy mouth opens wide with shock.
“Oh you failed. You might be a former Women’s champion but you failed my challenge”
Layla jokingly responds
“Oh My God! Please let me go again”
We see a now fearful Layla with her hands over her mouth looking terrified and pretending to cry. This is the last time we will see her dry prior to the gunging.
You can here Layla squeal after the 2
“…1! Gunge time”
The chair then gives way and Layla rushes down the ramp with her arms out and she can clearly be heard screaming comically as she rushes towards the gloop. She then voluntarily jumps forward landing face first into the green gunge causing a mighty splash and causing ripples in the gunge. For about five whole seconds she in nowhere to be seen – then all of a sudden her head which has now been reduced to a unrecognisable green blob emerges with a pair of gooey hands and then her sexy body pulls itself up with the mouth wipe open and gasping for air. “It’s so cold! It’s so cold! Oh my God!” she howls in that sexy and unique voice. Every inch of her wonderful body is completely plastered with thick green gunk. Her wonderful thick straight black hair is stuck to her and swings in front of her gunge covered face, she then slicks her hair back and then what must be buckets of green gunge descend from above and splash all over her lovely frame as she puts places her arms atop of her head and screams. The camera zooms right into her face which her beautiful delicate features are plastered with gunk. She the slowly wipes her eyes and flicks the gunge ferociously into the BGD and then opens her mouth wide with enjoyment. She is up to her shapely breasts in gunge and her completely ruined vest top hugs against that wonderful chest and her exposed shoulders and arms are completely enveloped in the sludge reducing once a glamorous diva to an unrecognisable green figure. Her eye shadow is running down her cheeks which she smeared some gunge off of revealing that glossy skin. All of a sudden another large amount of green gunge falls from the rafters and splashes all over her before she can place her hands over her head the gunk splashes all over her and goes everywhere and once again covers the top of her and drips down to her face and covers those shoulders and arms. She screams again, but not so high-pitched this time – this time it’s a much lower pitched comical screech. Layla looks down at her hands and then looks up with baffled amusement on her face and laughs. She then wipes her eyes and slicks her hair back again.
“Well Layla, you failed miserably! I don’t think I’ll be joining you up their, but I hope you had a good time down at the bunker” says Jamie
“Oh I’ve loved every second of it” replies Layla say while rubbing the gunge off those well built athletes arms.
Layla has now removed a lot of gunge from her face but there is still a blob of green on that cute little nose and she has slicked all of her hair out of her face.
“Well I’m happy to hear it because my showers broken and the repair man isn’t coming until Tuesday so you can wait in their for a bit”
Layla then laughs sweetly and has taken the whole humiliating ordeal incredibly well and It’s crystal clear that she genuinely enjoyed being gunged – everything from the anticipation of the build-up to the fast drop into the gunge to the ice cold feeling of being covered head to toe in kelly-green gunge. If there is one thing that’s obvious – it’s that she found a lot of pleasure in being gunged on TV.
Jamie addresses the camera.
“Well Layla you’ve been a great sport, but you just couldn’t convince me to give up my life in the bunker. Join us next week to see it I can be persuaded or it another celeb with perish in the gunge. Until then bye.”
The camera then does an over head shot and we can see Jamie and Layla who now just is a green blob from a distance wave at the audience and we are the treated to a slow motion replay of Layla’s dunking and then the credits roll.