Monday, 4 August 2014

Kelly Clarkson human cheeseburger

Kelly Clarkson human cheeseburger

Kelly Clarkson agreed to make an appearance on one of the children’s television networks. She wore a purple t-shirt with the network’s logo on it and a pair of jean shorts. She was at one of the stages where she was looking slightly more chubby than usual. Her weight was something that fluctuated quite a bit over the years. At this point, she was a bit chubby, but she looked all the better for it. She took part in all of the silliness that took place on the show. It was sort of a Stwnsh Sadwrn or Ministry of Mayhem sort of show that she appeared on. 

It was getting towards the end of the show and the presenters stated that today they were going to be making a human cheeseburger and that the main ingredient was going to be their special guest, Kelly Clarkson. Kelly’s mouth fell open and she pointed at herself with her finger. Her surprise may well have been put on though because, in all honesty, she was probably aware of what would be happening before the show. She walked with the presenters to another area of the set. 

On the set was a gigantic hamburger bun with a giant hamburger paddy in it. It was at least a yard or more wide. Kelly walked over and took her place, sitting down on it, crossing her legs in front of her. She shook her head backwards and laughed. She put her hair into a ponytail. She then looked around. On the set were the young people who were going to be doing the pouring. It was explained that the giant human cheeseburger needed to have toppings added to it. Surrounding the area were plastic containers filled with different items that would be added to the human cheeseburger. The presenters would be announcing what was going to be added.

“I think that we will start with the lettuce,” one of the presenters said. One of the young people walked over and tipped a container of shredded lettuce straight over Kelly’s head. It rained down on her, sprinkling down everywhere on her, sticking along as it went. “How about some tomato?,” the presenter asked. The young person  then, with their other hand tipped a container filled with chopped tomatoes over Kelly. They fell everywhere around her, some toppling down her shirt and collecting between her legs. “Now for a cheeseburger, we obviously need to have cheese,” the other presenter said, “Let’s add some cheese on there,” they said. Another young person came over and tipped a plastic container filled with shredded cheese over Kelly Clarkson. Kelly rubbed her legs as the cheese cascaded down over her face. It stuck to her face and hair. It was a combination of orange and yellow cheese. The young person then took their hands and stuck them into the container. They then comically sprinkled the remainder of the shredded cheese on top of Kelly Clarkson’s head.

Up until this point things had been relatively dry and calm for Kelly, but things were about to change for her. “You know, everyone has ketchup on their cheeseburgers don’t they. We must add lots of ketchup. We need to get it on there good and proper I think,” one of the presenters said. One of the young people came forward with another plastic jug filled with bright red ketchup. They smiled and laughed. Kelly bowed her head, looking down. The young person then began to pour ketchup all over her. It poured over her hair then splattered down her face. Her facial features were soon unevenly covered in a splattering of ketchup. They then poured some over her shoulders and down  the front of her shirt, splattering it in ketchup. She looked up allowing everyone to see her face covered in ketchup. It was not covered completely, however. 

“ You know what some people like mustard on their cheeseburgers. I think we need to add some mustard.” Kelly shook her head. She crossed her arms across her chest as another young person took a jug of bright yellow mustard and slowly dumped it over her. It poured down onto her dark brown hair and down the back of her neck. It then oozed over her face and down her shoulders and chest. The thick bright yellow adding to the thick bright red of the ketchup that covered her already. She closed her eyes. The mustard dumped into her lap and onto her legs as well. “Some people even like mayonnaise on their burgers,” one of the presenters said. The young person then took a container of mayonnaise and firmly placed it on top of Kelly’s head.  He squeezed it pushing the pliable plastic around so the top of her head almost fit inside of it. The mayonnaise oozed around the sides, tumbling around the sides of her head. He pushed it down some more before removing it. When he did, he left an uneven slab of mayonnaise stuck to Kelly’s head and forehead. He then pushed his hands downward onto it. He then rubbed the mayonnaise around on her face and shirt with his hands. This left Kelly absolutely speechless.

“Got to have pickles,” the presenter said. The young person then promptly dumped a plastic jug of pickles over Kelly’s body. Some of them stuck to her, but most tumbled down her body and collected on her lap and between her legs. “We almost forgot the burger sauce,” another presenter said. Kelly cringed as another young person approached. Kelly looked up and bit her lip as the young person tipped their container over her, sending a slow moving wave of thick orange burger sauce down over her. It was very thick and poured painfully slowly onto the singer.  She actually opened her mouth a little bit as the burger sauce poured directly all over her face and fell down her body. She moved her head forward as her face was covered in the sloppy burger sauce. “I must look ridiculous,” she murmured under her breath. The former American Idol and International pop star was now covered in burger sauce on national television.

“It actually tastes quite good,” she said with a laugh. She was someone that enjoyed her food. She was now experiencing it in a way that she never could have foreseen. “I think we need some tomato relish don’t you,” one of the presenters stated. Kelly braced herself as another young person came forward with a huge smile and began to dump chunky tomato relish over her. She had never really tried this before. The thick mess slopped its way down over her face. She held her hands out. The camera focused in as blobs of the thick relish slowly made their way down her face. She stuck her tongue out as it made its way down over the front of her face. It fell in a thick line shape down her face and her body. When it finally stopped, she took her hand and took some of it, she stuck her tongue out and licked a bit. “That’s actually quite tasty as well”, she said.

“Let’s finish her off with some fried onions,” the presenter said. The last young person came forward and quickly moved their wrist, dumping the full container of fried onions over the pop singer. They stuck to her hair and dangled from her forehead and face. They also stuck to her collar and to her clothes. All of the young people then picked up the top of the giant burger bun. They walked over together and threw it at Kelly. It landed on top of her.  She then decided to lay on her back in the collected mess and to allow them to place the bun on top of her. 

“There we have it, Kelly Clarkson has been made into a human cheeseburger and she looks good enough to eat, doesn’t she? We want to thank her for everything. She has been wonderful. We will see you all next time. Goodbye for now,” the presenter said. As the credits began to roll, the camera panned around to show Kelly in the burger bun. She smiled as the camera moved around. She then sat up and waived. She was still covered from head to toe in a mountain of burger toppings. She smiled and laughed. As the show went off the air, Kelly could be seen saying,” What, no bacon?”


  1. Can you do Rose Leslie and Carice van Houten next? A lot of face and chest coverage please.

  2. yes they are on the list.