Atomic Kitten vs. Steps
A new gameshow began to be broadcast. It pitted celebrities of a certain type against each other. It would usually be related groups. It may be rival sports teams, or actresses on soaps etc. This week the two competing teams were from early Naughties pop groups. The show pitted Lisa Scott Lee, Claire Richards and Faye from Steps against Natasha Hamilton, Jenny Frost and Liz McClarnon of Atomic Kitten. There were huge bragging right and a lot of embarrassment at stake on this show on this particular day. One group was going to enjoy the pleasure of dumping mess over one of their rivals’ heads. What was really enjoyable for the ladies was the fact that they were going to get to choose the member of the losing team they wanted to individually mess up. For example, Claire was thinking to herself,” When we win, which of those three would I most like to dump mess onto. It’s a hard choice.” She ran over the pros and cons in her head. She also was thinking,” Oh my God, if we lose, which one of them would be getting to dump mess onto me?” It was a very interesting dynamic. Would the winners argue over whom they preferred to mess up? None of the women were at all very athletic or sporty in any way either.
For the show, everyone was dressed in white sleeveless t-shirts and white linen shorts. The competition was going to be fierce. No one wanted to be on the losing team. It would be very embarrassing to end up on the losing end on this particular day. The games were of a silly nature. They were similar to what you would see on a Big Brother task or possibly on something like Double Dare. There would be three games. Each game pitting one member of each team against the other.
The first game was one where there were two large fountains spurting red liquid on one end of the stage and large cylindrical containers on the other end. The team members would have beer mugs strapped to the top of their heads. The object of the game was to collect as much liquid in the mugs and then walk to the other end of the stage and lower as much as they could into the containers. Whoever got the most would win. This one pitted Lisa against Natasha. The game was pretty comical. The two running back and forth, bending over, getting red liquid all over them, getting soaking wet. They slipped and slid. It was very close, but in the end, this round went to Natasha and Atomic Kitten. The score was one nil in their favour. Steps could not lose another game.
The next round pitted Jenny against Faye. The game was guiding a prong around a metal grid. A bit like a game of operation. If you touched the side of the metal, there would be a buzz. Whoever got the furthest before they got to three buzzes would win this round. Faye went first this time. She seemed to struggle and only get it a short distance, or what seemed to be. This made Jenny quite confident that she could match this. Unfortunately for her, it was even more difficult than it first appeared. Before she could even get a few inches, she hit the sides. In quick succession it happened twice more. Just like that she had lost it. Steps had won this round. It would all come down to the third and final round.
This round would be Liz vs. Claire for the whole ball of wax. The pressure was really on. This game was an obstacle course. It was going over, under and around various obstacles. Liz thought that she would easily be able to win this one. She figured that she could definitely go faster than Claire. To begin with, she did sprint out to an early lead. She was way ahead at first. Claire was being more careful, however. Halfway through, Liz began to slip and trip and fall over and backwards, because she was rushing too much. Claire then pulled ahead. As, Liz struggled to get back to her feet, Claire did not fall once. She reached the end lengths sooner than Liz did. When she reached the finish, Faye and Lisa greeted her. They celebrated. They had won. Jenny and Natasha shook their heads and glared at Liz. Atomic Kitten had lost and would have to face the consequences.
Three chairs were brought out to the centre of the stage and the three Kittens were asked to have a seat in the hot seats. Liz, Natasha and Jenny reluctantly took their places sat centre stage. The three sexy tanned singers sat centre stage awaiting the messing of a lifetime. The Steps girls celebrated, pointing and laughing at their fallen opponents. They now got to have the pleasure of discussing between them who would partner up with who. The three conferred together, whispering, discussing it. The Kittens rolled their eyes. It seemed to be taking an agonisingly long time. Natasha began to impatient. “Will you just hurry up and get on with it?,” she snapped.
The Steps girls broke their huddle and announced their decision. The Atomic Kitten girls looked up at them, annoyed, awaiting their fate. It turned out that they were going to go with their opponents from the games. Lisa spoke up first,” I am choosing, Natasha Hamilton. I am choosing her because she is such a gobby cow. I reckon that she deserves this the most out of the three.” It was then Faye’s turn,” I am going to pick Jenny. I think Jenny has the best body and I will enjoy covering her in disgusting mess. I think it will really suit her.” It was then Claire’s turn. “ I am picking Liz, simply because I just love the idea of getting to gunge Liz Mcclarnon. It is just a dream come true. Who wouldn’t want to do that?,” she said. “Ok then, you may get in positions,” the presenter said. The three women took their places behind their victims.
This was a moment that could previously have only taken place in the imagination. The female members of Steps were about to dump mess all over Atomic Kitten. The girls looked at each other. They pulled faces and cringed. Natasha licked the top of her mouth and gave a rye chuckle. “I can’t believe we are about to get gunged,” Liz said. Jenny was blushing. “I just can’t believe this,” Natasha said. In the meantime, the members of Steps were soaking in the moment. They looked down at Atomic Kitten, planning how they were going to mess them.
They decided to begin with burger toppings. They started with ketchup for Liz, mustard for Jenny and pickled relish for Natasha. The Steps girls smiled at each other and then turned the squeeze bottles upside down over their chosen targets. They began to squeeze the mess all over the heads, faces and shoulders of Atomic Kitten. Green relish piled on Natasha’s shoulders and head. Liz’s neck and cheeks were covered in ketchup. Jenny was slathered with mustard. It covered her shirt and went all over her legs.
They then added more burger topping, burger sauce for Liz, barbecue sauce for Natasha and mayonnaise for Jenny. Faye took her hands and plopped mayonnaise onto Jenny’s head and face. Lisa forcefully shook and pushed the barbecue sauce bottle up and down, causing it to pour on Natasha’s face and down her legs. Claire made funny faces and mocked Liz as she poured burger sauce over her head. “Oh look at that Liz. Isn’t that nice,” she teased. The expressions that the girls made were hilarious. Liz cringed and shook her head. The burger sauce slowly covering her features. Jenny looking over at her friends saying,” Oh my God, look at us.” Natasha’s face contorting comically, makes motions with her lips. The thin white clothing that they wore gave little protection. Their fake tanned bodies were partially visible from the start. The Steps girls were doing all they could to make this as humiliating as they possibly could for the Kittens.
More condiments were to follow. Natasha was treated to chunky salsa. Liz was adorned in tartar sauce. Jenny received sweet chilli sauce. Jenny’s mouth was agape as she was coated in slimy, sloppy sweet chilli sauce. Faye elegantly moved the bottle around up and down Jenny, dumping the sauce on her skin. Natasha puffed up her cheeks and closed her eyes as salsa covered the top of her head and cascaded down her shoulders. Lisa made kissing faces and said,”Oooh, spicy,” as she tapped the bottom of the salsa jar, sending it all over Natasha Hamilton. Liz shuttered and crossed her arms as tartar sauce poured onto her head and face. She could feel it down her back as well. Claire made sure that it came out as slowly as possible, enjoying pouring the tartar sauce on Liz. The audience roared with laughter at the site of what was happening to Atomic Kitten in front of their very eyes. No one could really believe that they were witnessing the whole of Atomic Kitten getting covered in condiments. Mess was dripping everywhere on them, right down to their ankles. The three looked over at one another. “This is unbelievable,” Natasha said.
The girls were then finished off with three buckets of a mixture of canned goods. The buckets were filled with value brand ravioli, spaghetti hoops, baked beans and canned spaghetti. The girls held one another’s hands and their breath as Steps began dumping the bargain can food all over Atomic Kitten. Their outfits were definitely ruined forever now, if they had not been already. The disgusting sloppy mixture poured over the three women as they held their breath. Soon they disappeared behind a thick curtain of cheap sloppy canned goods. Each of the group members struggled individually as well as collectively as they were trashed by the victors. The buckets seemed to be enormous, as they poured over the Kittens. Claire gave half shocked half amused look as she poured. The mess made a sickening plopping noise as it covered the three pop singers. They were left dripping in mess. The camera slowly panned over each of them, capturing every precious second of this for posterity.
The presenter then came over to speak to Steps. “Well, how was that? Did you feel a bit sorry for the poor Kittens there?” “Nah,” Faye said,” They deserved that.” “Plus it was very enjoyable. Who wouldn’t want to dump mess all over Atomic Kitten. I think we should meet up and do this every weekend, what do you say?,” Claire said. “They never looked better,” Lisa said. The Atomic Kitten girls were left to wallow in the muck as the Steps girls posed for pictures and laughed at the state of their fallen opponents.
No one was ever going to forget this night. All in all, the Kittens were good sports about the whole thing. They were not overly cross. Although they did feel like the Steps girls enjoyed their embarrassment just a bit too much.