Wednesday 8 June 2011

Alexandra Burke vs. Duffy the results

Alexandra Burke vs. Duffy the results




Mr. G. welcomed everyone to another episode of Let Her Have It. “Hi and welcome to everyone. Today on Let Her Have It, we have a very interesting vote. Today two female recording artists are up for the vote. So far, they have both managed to avoid mess and have stayed clean. But, tonight, that will change dramatically for one of our two singers, but which one? I bet it’s going to be a close one this time, but no one yet knows what the results will be. Both singers are very attractive, but in very different ways. So who will it be? Our contestants for tonight are Alexandra Burke and Duffy.”



Alexandra entered from one side of the stage laughing, smiling and waiving. She was wearing a sparkly silver dress that was very low cut and showed quite a bit of leg. Duffy entered from the other side wearing a soft blue and grey dress. She looked slightly more demure but very good as well. Her smile was not as big as Alexandra’s but she waived to her fans.



“Ladies,” Mr. G. said,” It is a big night tonight. I am sure that you have seen the show or at least heard about. You have probably seen what happened to people like Lily Allen and Karen Gillian. One of you two is going to be joining the esteemed list of people who have been trashed on Let her have it and the other one, well, will be getting the pleasure of delivering the mess to the unlucky loser. I have to say that you both look great tonight, someone is going to look very different in only a few minutes. There is no telling how the vote may have gone. So, let’s hear from the candidates. Duffy, what are your thoughts.”



“I think that there is a pretty decent chance that I will be leaving the studio tonight dripping with slop. I have to be honest, I have always kind of wondered what it might be like to have sloppy mess all over my body. I might even write a song about it. Obviously, it would be a surreal moment having Alexandra Burke pouring god know what over my head. I don’t reckon it will be me though. I reckon more people will fancy Alexandra getting it then me, but I am very interested to see what will happen,” Duffy said.



“And Alexandra,” Mr. G. asked. “Quite simply,” Alexandra said,” I just hope that it is not me. I don’t know what it would feel like for Duffy to gunge me and I don’t really want to find out. Hahaha. Obviously, if the fans want to see me covered in slop then that is what they will get. I won’t chicken out. I can’t chicken out, but I do hope that Duffy is the loser. I think she deserves it and would look better covered in mess than me. Plus, I spent a lot of time in hair and makeup, I wouldn’t want to ruin all that. I think I will leave the mess for Duffy if I could. Frankly, I think that I would seriously enjoy pouring some kind of slop on Duffy, actually.”



Duffy started laughing,” Gee thanks Alexandra. Looks like the gloves are off and the truth comes out. I won’t have any mercy on you now, if I do happen to win,” Duffy said. “Oh no,” Alexandra said,” I don’t think that I should have said that now.” They both laughed.



“MMM, it’s getting interesting. That’s what we like to see. The winner really enjoying messing our loser. But we don’t yet know who will be the gunger and who will be the gungee. But we will find out very shortly, “ Mr. G. said, It’s just about time for the moment of truth. The moment that everyone here has been waiting for. Time to find out who will be getting messy.”



Duffy was crossing her fingers making faces and begging please no. Alexandra was blushing and laughing with her eyes closed and her hands to her mouth. They both closed their eyes in anticipation.

“Ok,” Mr. G. said,” It’s time to reveal our results. The person who has been voted for to take the mess…and get covered by the other…on national tv… in what may be the most embarrassing moment of their life…with everyone watching..,” as he was saying this Duffy and Alexandra were squirming in anticipation. Get on with it they shouted. “Our big loser today. Unbelievably with double the amount of votes. Is……..Duffy!”



Alexandra shouted yes in your face Duffy. She pointed and laughed as Duffy’s mouth was wide open. She pointed to herself and then put her arms out wide on either side of her and said ,”Who, me.” She started laughing and then said, ”Oh…. My… gosh.” “It’s time for Duffy to get dirty,” Alexandra said. Duffy then said, “Oh, please. I’ll beg you.” Duffy jokingly got on her knees and sang,” Please Alexandra. I’m beggin’ you for Mercy.” Alexandra laughed at her. “Hey, it was worth a try ,” Duffy joked.

“So, Duffy,” Mr. G. said, “Ya, lost, quite badly as it urns out.” “Well, it looks like the fans are going to get their moneys worth. They want to see me covered in slop and that is exactly what they are going to get, apparently. As I said earlier, it will be interesting to actually see what it is like. I wish it was Alexandra getting it though. If for no other reason then the fact that she is going to just love doing it to me. She definitely won’t have any mercy on me. She is going to love every minute of this I can tell you. She’s gonna just love this I know.”



“Alexandra, I know you are ecstatic about this. You won and won easily as it turns out,” Mr. G. said. “Well. Mr. G., I always win. I won X factor and I won tonight. Honestly, I did think there was a real chance it would be me, so I am relieved and excited that I won. On top of that, I get the pleasure of getting to do what I am about to do to Duffy. It’s nothing personal, I just think that pouring sloppy messy food over someone’s head is going to be so much fun. I have no sympathy for her, she knew the risks and I get the rewards. I am going to get Duffy very dirty tonight. I hope everyone has their vcr’s on because you are not going to want to miss this,” Alexandra said.



“You bitch,” Duffy joked. Then squealed. “Please, have mercy,” pretending to be upset. In the meantime everyone cheered as the cart containing the containers of mess was wheeled in. Duffy smiled, rolled her eyes, moved her tongue to the corner of her mouth and shook her head.



Alexandra said,” Remember when you were on your knees begging for mercy, Duffy. Can you get down on them again. That would be the perfect place to start,” as she eyed the contents of the cart. Duffy made that look again, she walked over and got on her knees. “Can we have some music please,” Alexandra asked. Duffy’s song Mercy was played on loop. When she heard it Duffy burst out laughing. It was meant sort of to mock her, but she just found it funny. “We know the secret meaning behind this song, Duffy, so we thought you would enjoy this,” Alexandra said.



“Ok,” Mr. G. said,” Who wants to see Duffy get it?” The crowd cheered. Alexandra screamed oh yeah. “Ok then, it’s time to let Duffy have it,” Mr. G. said.



Alexandra picked out her first item. She chose a pie with a twist. It was a steak and kidney pie. It had puff pastry on the top. Inside was steak, carrots, mushrooms, kidney beans and peas in a brown gravy type sauce. On top though was whipped cream. Duffy would think it was a regular pie and would get a big surprise when it hit her. Alexandra walked over to Duffy and held the pie in front of her face. Duffy realized why she had been asked to kneel. “Oh my gosh,” Duffy said. She screwed up her face and closed her eyes tightly as she braced herself for the impact. Alexandra lifted three fingers on one hand above her hand, motioning for the audience to count down. They obliged they counted 3.…2...1. Alexandra leaned back then as hard as she could thrust the pie into Duffy’s face. It exploded everywhere. She pied her so hard that Duffy nearly fell over on to her backside from the force. The pie exploded in her face. The tin fell revealing Duffy’s face covered in a mixture of whip cream, gravy, beef, vegetables and pastry. Thick bits of beef slid down her face, congealed in greasy gravy. A huge bit of the pastry fell on her chest and lap. Her face was mainly brown in gravy with some streaks of white cream in it. The gravy was quite old and thick which created large globs of it that had vegetables and steak stuck in. They fell from her face. Alexandra was on the floor laughing of course. “That felt so good,” she said,” I can’t describe what it felt like the moment I pied her in the face. I only wish everyone had a chance.” In the mean time, Duffy was busy clearing chunks of steaks and mushrooms from her face. She cleared her eyes. “I hope that she likes steak and mushroom pie,” Alexandra said,” because she just got a lot of it. Ooops, I forgot to ask.” Duffy licked her lips. She made the mistake of taking a bit of the steak and trying to eat it. She took a small bit from her face and stuck it in her mouth trying to eat it. When she tasted it, she had to spit it back out again straight away because it tasted awful. “Eww, that tastes disgusting. Next time, if you put a steak and kidney pie in my face, can you please make sure it’s a tasty one at least,” Duffy said jokingly.



Duffy was then allowed to take a seat in the hot seat. She crossed her arms and said, “Lay it on me. I’m already a mess. You may as well just nail me even more.” Alexandra grabbed the next item. It was a large pot of potato and leak soup. It was white and contained potatoes, leaks, carrots, sweet corn, cabbage and peas. It was at the same time thick and runny. It wasn’t as thick as custard but not as thin as liquid. Alexandra took a large wooden spoon. She stirred the soup and then used it to drip a drop or two of soup onto Duffy’s head. Duffy shivered. She put her hands on her lap and awaited the soup. “Soup’s on,” Alexandra said, “On Duffy.” Duffy looked up slightly as the soup showered down over her. She rubbed her arms and legs as Alexandra dumped it all over her slowly. She just sat there and closed her eyes it poured all over her. She ran her finders through her hair as it continued to pour. At first it was just the creamy broth that fell, but as time went on the vegetables started falling on to her. Her head was covered in sweet corn, carrots, cabbage and other vegetables. Vegetables fell all over her and stuck everywhere. Large hunks of potato and cabbage fell and splattered on her body and clothes. When it was over, Duffy was covered nearly from head to toe in white creamy soup. Her clothes were all soppy and saturated in it, making them feel heavy. Her face was covered in the slop. Bits of vegetable stuck to her face and arms. Her lap was covered in cabbage, leaks and potato. She tried to gather it all on her hands and push it to the floor. Alexandra just pointed and laughed. “Lovely,” Duffy said and laughed sarcastically.



Alexandra returned to the cart and looked at the final item that was waiting for Duffy. She smiled and laughed. Alexandra then explained to everyone what the large bucket in front of her contained. The contents of the bucket was an entire Sunday dinner. In it was mashed potato, stuffing, bits of turkey, gravy, swede and carrot and mixed vegetables. All of it mixed together in one sloppy mess. Alexandra explained that she was about to “Serve” the dinner to Duffy. “You love Sunday lunch don’t you Duffy?,” she asked. “Oh yeah, it’s my favourite,” Duffy said sarcastically,” But usually it eat Sunday lunch. It isn’t usually poured all over my body. It should be quite, ell, interesting,” Duffy said. Alexandra walked over. “Mmmm yummy,” Alexandra said,” Dinner is served.” “I guess dinner is on me today,” Duffy said. She was already covered in slop. Alexandra tipped the bucket on her. Mashed potato fell onto Duffy, falling onto her chest and lap. Vegetables rained on her. Bits of stuffing fell onto her face and body. Gravy covered everything. Bits of turkey fell onto Duffy’s face, arms and legs. All of the food was mixed together, but each individual bit of the Sunday lunch was also visible in the gravy all over Duffy. She could feel stuffing and potato in her clothes. Her hair also had vegetables, bits of turkey, potato and stuffing matted in it. Duffy played with a bit of stuffing that had landed in her lap. When she did, it fell apart and bits of stuffing fell all over her. She looked like a human turkey dinner. She laughed as the food poured on her. When the bucket was empty, Alexandra put it on the floor then stood back and admired her work. She pointed and laughed at Duffy. She had her picture taken with Duffy. Duffy put her hands at her side and licked her lips. She tried to empty some of the food from her lap and dress.



“So, Alexandra, any comments,” Mr. G. asked. “That was great. I enjoyed that very much. Everyone should get the chance to do that once in their life. It is a very satisfying feeling. You can tell how much the audience enjoyed that as well. I have nothing against Duffy. She is a very nice girl, but I thoroughly enjoyed doing that to her. I mean look at her. It’s hilarious. I love it. Sorry, Duffy. But I loved it and I would do it again in a heartbeat, “ Alexandra said.



“And Duffy. You lost, and Alexandra certainly did not have any mercy on you,” Mr. G. said. “She certainly didn’t. Hey, I lost, fair and square and I had to pay the consequences. It was pretty embarrassing and very messy. Everyone is watching. It was actually kind of enjoyable in a weird way. How do I look? I actually feel quite sexy. I can’t describe how it feels. It’s an indescribable feeling. I mean I am covered in leftovers. I had to sit here while she poured the mess all over my body. There is definitely something sexy in it. I get a similar feeling when I am singing Mercy actually. Maybe I have said too much. I am glad everyone else enjoyed it so much.”



“We want to thank Alexandra Burke for being so much fun, and we want a to really thank Duffy for being such a good sport. She has been one of our best guests ever. So we invite you all to join us next time, when another celebrity will be in Duffy’s place. See you all then,” Mr. G. said.



As the show went off the air a split screen came up with a before and after shot of Duffy. Duffy smiled and waived and laughed as the camera captured a close up of her still completely covered.

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