Friday, 27 May 2016

Kelly Macdonald Homecooking

Kelly Macdonald Homecooking

Kelly MacDonald was a well-respected Scottish actress who had been in many big films and television series in Hollywood. She was understated, but quite sexy in her own way. She was a bit shy, but could be a bit naughty as well. She was selected as a candidate to be covered in mess. She is someone whom leftovers would suit very well.  A lot of her friends and family wanted to see that happen to her very much. 

Kelly was going to be coming to Scotland to visit for a little while. She would be taking part in a fete that would be taking place near the places that she had grown up. Her friends and relatives decided that it would be a very good thing for them to do to set her up and have home grown Scottish people get the chance to slop a celebrity. It would also remind Kelly to be humble and of where she came from. She had no idea that it would happen. She thought that she would be having a nice day out on that day. 

She showed up dressed in a traditional, floral, lacy dress. She served during the day as a sort of a grand marshal for the event. She handed out raffle prizes and made announcements. Towards the end of the evening, she stood at the microphone with one of the organisers. The whole town was gathered around watching.  She began to speak, “Thank you Kelly for your time and coming back to see everyone. We really appreciate it. However, we have a bit of a surprise for you.” At this point she thought that she may get presented with a plaque or keys to the city or something. “We don’t want to ever to forget this day, or where you come from, so we have arranged something that, we feel, you will never, ever forget. What we are going to do is put you in the stocks and cover you with lovely home grown Scottish cuisine. “Kelly looked very surprised. 

The organiser grabbed her arm and led her down into the field where the pillory was set up for her. Before she could react, some male friends of her parents were putting her into the stocks and locking her in them. The local press was all there as well. They began snapping pictures. Kelly looked up at an excited sea of faces. Her body strained a bit, bent over in the stocks. She was looking quite embarrassed. She was completely helpless. Everyone was loving this. Kelly was about to get it good in front of everyone in her home town. 

“So, Kelly, we want to give you a reminder of home. A taste of Scotland, you might say. We have haggis, neeps and tatties for you. All specially made just for you. Unfortunately, you will not be eating it. Instead, you will be wearing it.” Kelly realised that was about to get covered in traditional Scottish cuisine. There were three buckets filled with the three substances. They were grey, orange and white. She was about to get served. Kelly raised an eyebrow. Friends and family from her past were going to get to do the honours.

The idea that this was going to happen to a Hollywood star before their very eyes. Her friends and family raised the three buckets over Kelly. She grimaced and whimpered. Everyone was cheering and clamouring for this to happen. The cheers could be heard for miles in all directions when the food made first contact with Kelly MacDonald. The three messes simultaneously came down upon her. Anyone outside of Scotland might consider the food as particularly unappealing.

The mess rained down onto Kelly. Haggis, neeps and tatties soon poured over her face and body. This was something that everyone wanted to witness. Everyone was chanting the word haggis. It poured all over her. They moved the buckets back and forth over Kelly. Haggis, neeps and tatties rolled down over Kelly’s face. It stuck to her hair and rolled down her chin. Neeps and tatties were all over her clothes and body. The buckets poured back and forth over her. Suede and mash stuck to the top of her head. Everyone roared in laughter at what they were witnessing. This mess was thick and very sloppy.

They then poured liquor sauce over her. It soaked her dress and stained it black. They poured some over her head. It dripped from her chin and cheeks. It looked and smelled hideous. Eating it was one thing, wearing it was quite another. 

They then handed Scotch eggs out to some of the younger people in the town. They were lined up across from Kelly. They were told that they were going to get to throw them at the celebrity. They counted down from three. Everyone then flung their Scotch eggs at Kelly. They smashed against Kelly and the pillory. One after another hit their target, as everyone roared with laughter. When they hit, they exploded, covering Kelly’s head with egg and breadcrumbs. The entire pillory was plastered in white, yellow and brown sludgy mess. Kelly gave a theatrical pout. 

The organiser then leaned over and spoke to Kelly. “So, Kelly, welcome home. How was it for you?” “Well, I must say, I never thought that the day would end with me getting haggis poured on my head or being covered in Scotch egg. I’m never visiting again,” she joked,” I hope you all enjoyed that. It was a good laugh.”

She was allowed out of the stocks. She took a bow and scraped some of the suede and potato from her hair and face. She was glad that she could make people’s dream of hitting a celebrity with a Scotch egg come true. It was very embarrassing and quite a few people found the idea of embarrassing a celebrity very attractive. There was nowhere for her to clean up either and the single towel that they provided to her in order to clean up with was not much cop, so she ended up spending the rest of the afternoon, almost fully covered in the delightful dishes she had been served with.

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