Toni Duggan any publicity is good
Toni Duggan was possibly the most famous female football player in the world. She played in Manchester. She was considered to be one of the more attractive female athletes as well. Women’s football in the UK was not as popular as some would possibly expect. Toni was relatively famous and was sent out to do press and television in order to promote women’s football in the UK. She would appear on all sorts of show and in media to try and spread the word and increase interest.
One of the shows she appeared on was a sports magazine show on one of the sports channel. They looked at sports in a fun and humorous kind of way. They would play silly games and had many sports stars appear doing silly things and talking sports. The show was hosted by a male and female presenter. On it Toni was pushing hard for people to come and see the matches or to watch them. She began to question the presenters,” Now, have you ever been to a woman’s football match?,” she asked the male presenter. “ Well, you know what, I have been meaning to go for ages, but just have never quite gotten around to it.” “Well, that’s no good. Boo!! You need to go, and tell all of your mates. I tell you what, if you come to the match on Saturday, I will make it worth your while. Let’s say, if you come and watch, I will take a bucket of mess of your choosing. If you bring friends, you can add one bucket for each of them. Does that sound fair?” The presenter certainly liked the sound of that. He jumped at this of course. “Ok then, I will see you at the match. Then, I will come back on the show on Sunday and will take my messing,” she said.
All of it came to pass. The presenter came to the match. He brought five friends with him as well. They enjoyed it thoroughly and promoted it all over television and radio. Toni had done very well, now it was time for her to fulfil her end of the bargain. She showed up on the show in her football kit, but a smaller version than she wore on match day. The shorts and top were shorter and tighter. Her beautiful blonde hair was back in a ponytail. She smiled and waved, sat on a stool. She was shown through the show and her messing was teased. She looked all too happy to be there.
Finally, as the show was nearing its end, it was mess time for Toni Duggan. It was explained that the presenter had brought five friends with him, so he would be getting to dump six different buckets of mess on Toni. He would stand behind her and the buckets would be passed to him. He would read out the contents and pour. Before he began, Toni thanked him for coming and said that everyone was welcome and tickets were still available for the next match in a week’s time. She was doing a good job promoting the league and its matches.
She was ready to take the mess for the league. The presenter was handed the first bucket. Toni gave two thumbs up and smiled as he said the name of the first item. “Creamed corn”, he said. Her face was a picture. She did not expect that. The presenter lifted and tipped the bucket of heavy creamed corn over the footballer. He began to dump the thick yellow sloppy mess all over her head. It cascaded down her face and coated her blonde hair. It piled on her shoulders and fell down the front of her jersey. Some fell onto her knees and in between her legs. She ran her fingers over her face and laughed. It was very slimy.
He then said,” Mushy peas”. He quickly lifted bucket number two and dispatched of sloppy green mushy peas all over the football player. It poured down the front of her face and down her body. It poured over her shorts and down her calves, all over her socks and trainers. More poured down her neck and over into the back of her shirt. She shook her head, letting some of it fall from her forehead.
He then said,” Chicken Korma”. Toni erupted in laughter as she had a bucket of creamy yellow curry poured all over her. It had lumps of chicken in it which rolled down over her body. She closed her eyes as her entire face was submerged in the mild Indian dish. It was incredibly thick, filled with coconut and yoghurt. She laughed as her face disappeared momentarily in curry. He then said, “Mashed potatoes and gravy.” He took another heavy bucket and pushed it down onto the top of Ms. Duggan’s head. He left it there momentarily. When he removed it, he revealed her entire head was plastered in mashed potatoes. Gravy poured downwards onto her and soaked her top. She ran her hands across her face and tossed handfuls of the sloppy mash away, off of her face.
Next to come her way was baked beans. She shrugged her shoulders as the presenter proceeded to dump a bucket of beans all over her head. The beans and bean juice poured down over her face. She closed her eyes as her face was covered. More poured don her back and into her uniform. He then dumped more onto her shorts and all over her legs. Beans collected in her clothes, in her socks and in her trainers. She even had been in her underwear. She was soaked in bean juice. Beans ran down her calves to her ankles and feet.
The final item was vegetarian lasagne. It was filled with spinach and eggplant as well as courgette, noodles and multiple kinds of cheese and lots of tomato and béchamel sauces. It was very thick, very rich, very disgusting. It was not in a pan or tin, but was all smushed together in a large bucket. This created a disgusting substance that had no shape, but was very sloppy. The presenter announced what it was and then began to pour. Everyone gasped as they saw the multi-coloured, multi-layered slop descend all over Toni Duggan. When the first bit of it landed on her head, she recoiled at the odour of it. The avalanche of lasagne poured down over her. The presenter poured the heavy mess all over her. It was like nothing anyone had seen before. It had once been lasagne, but now was nothing more than a wave of sloppy leftover food waste. There was so much of it, she was soon covered completely. Cheese, sauce, bits of lasagne sheet, spinach and eggplant were all visible and all over Toni. She continued laughing, but was a total mess from head to toe.
The presenter then said,” I wonder if we can get your boyfriend on next week to comment about this. He is a footballer as well.” She laughed and pointed at him. “Don’t you dare. He probably wishes that he was the one pouring lasagne over my head,” she joked.