Katherine Heigl the diva

Katherine Heigl the diva

Katherine Heigl was a very difficult person to work with. She had a very high opinion of herself and quite a low opinion of pretty much everyone else. She made a habit of badmouthing films that she was in and people whom she had worked with. It had gotten to the point where people were becoming reluctant to hire her or to work with her. She was ridiculously high maintenance. She was impossible to please. Nothing was ever good enough. It was very odd because she really was not that attractive or that good of an actress. 

By some chance, she had been given a role in a comedy film. She was the straight person in it, playing the mean spirited person who always got her own way. She was made to do the talk show circuit to promote the film. She was put out even about doing this, feeling that the whole thing was inane. She wore a purple dress on the show. The host welcomed her to the show. “Yeah thanks,” she said, looking very uninterested. “Well, you are here today to talk about your wonderful new movie.” “Yeah wonderful. It was a barrel of laughs to work on, I can tell you,” she said sarcastically. “Oh that doesn’t sound that good,” the host said. “Well, it was a dumb comedy movie wasn’t it? I needed a job and was happy to take the paycheque, but it’s not exactly Shakespeare is it? I mean my range really wasn’t shown off in it. I had to work with some pretty low brow sort of people as well. Comedy sort actors. Not serious ones. It’s all they can do. What people don’t realise as well is that we actors and actresses have very little impact upon what you actually see on screen. I will get told by everyone I was in a piece of crap movie. Well, I didn’t direct, produce, write or edit it. Don’t blame me. All I can do is show up and do the lines I am given.”

“So, I take it that you are not a fan of this particular film?,” the host asked. “Well, I went to the premiere and sat through it. I had to hide my face. I was so embarrassed. I didn’t think it would be great, but what is actually up there on screen is just embarrassing. I cannot imagine anything more embarrassing than working on this film.  The other actors gave me the creeps as well. They were all friends and thought that this film was going to be amazing. I just thought to myself the entire time that they were deluded. I mean the whole film is just stupid.”

“Speaking of your co-stars, you did get to pour mess on them a few times in the film. Let’s see some clips.” Some clips were played of Katherine’s character dumping mess over the other characters. Her role was sort of like an evil diva who humiliated others for fun. Everyone laughed at the clips. “That was about the only enjoyable part of the production. Getting to do that to those losers was a great joy. They really deserved it.” “Do you yourself get messy in the film?,” the presenter asked. “Are you kidding me? There is no way in hell that would ever happen. Not to me. I would never agree to anything like that. You must be joking. That is only for losers like them. I dictate my own terms and I would never agree to anything like that. It is bad enough I had to even be in such a film, but the fact that I was able to embarrass the other actors like that almost made up for it.”

“Well, I must say, it is very unusual for a celebrity to come on the show and be as candid as you are,” the host said,” Well, I have to be honest. I can’t imagine anything worse than being associated with this film.” “Well, you say that now, but there may be something worse. Well, you see, we have a little surprise for you tonight. Well two. If you turn your attention to the far right.” “Wait, what the hell are you talking about? I never agreed to anything. You can’t do anything.” As she turned, her co-stars and a gunge tank emerged. She shook her head, figuring out what was going on. “Ah ah, no way. This is not going to happen. Not to me. No way.” She began to shout in protest.

“You see Katherine, we have heard what you were like on set and what you have been like tonight has just proven it. You are a nightmare to be around and a complete pain in the neck. Your colleagues are here to get some measure of revenge on you. They have heard all that you have been saying about them.” The actors and actresses came forwards towards her. At this point, she began to change her tune. “Oh hello, guys. How are you? It is so good to see you. How have you been? Now, don’t believe everything you have heard. People will try to misinterpret things I have said. You know I think the world of you. It has all been taken out of context, I can assure you. Let me clarify for a second,” she protested. Of course, they knew that she was only backtracking to try and save herself.

They continued towards her. She waved them off and pleaded. She then attempted to run away from them, but her path was blocked in all directions. They cornered her. As she tried to get away, she ran, mistakenly right into the gunge tank. They slammed the door behind her. She hit her hands on the door and screamed for them to let her out. She threatened them as well, saying that they would regret this. Her true colours shone through now. She yelled at them. “You bunch of losers. You can’t do this to me. You are all jealous. I am the star. I deserve better. Don’t you dare do this to me.”

The host piped up. They spoke right over Katherine as she shouted in the background. “Well, Miss Heigl has shown her true colours. I think it is very clear that she really truly deserves this. My commiserations to you lot who had to work with her. She is a real nightmare. You deserve to do this to her so much. Please, let her have it. I think we all want to see this.”

The group of them smiled and waved to her as they pulled the lever for the tank. She screamed as thick purple and pink gunge poured over her golden blonde hair and down her face. She pouted and shouted as gunge poured down onto her from above. She tried everything she could to avoid it. She tried covering herself, putting her hands up and crouching, but there was just too much of the gunge for her to possibly avoid. The tank was filling up. She was soon drenched in the slimy gunge from head to toe. Her dress was soaked in it. She pounded her fists on the door of the tank. Her face was all crumpled and screwed up. Her colleagues pointed and laughed. They stuck out their tongues and made funny faces at her.

They then pressed a second lever. When they pulled this one, feathers came dumping down upon her. They fell all over her, sticking to her gunge covered body. She swore and yelled at them. She threatened them with everything she could think of. They just smiled and laughed at her. When the show ended and she was let out of the tank, she stomped away in a huff. She threatened to sue the show if the episode ever aired, but she had not rights to do this. It aired and the world enjoyed seeing her get exactly what she deserved.